Wednesday, September 08, 2004

I Hate Doors!

I Hate Doors!

This morning, as per usual, I woke up 40 minutes before I had to be at work. This just giving me enough time most mornings to take the towel off my head, do a quick swipe of mascara, and pick the nearest thing up off my floor to clothe myself in. But this particular morning the pounding rain put me into a much further mode of procrastination then was required for a day like today. At the normal time as I race to get out of the door, I found myself unable to even open my front door. It has of late had the tendency to stick, but after hours of pounding rain, it found itself swollen and unwilling to budge. I thought about the likelihood that an early call into the boss man to tell him I was physically unable to leave my apartment would be accepted. I deemed this an unacceptable excuse, however true it may be compared to some of the past lies I've called in (rheumatoid arthritis acting up anyone?). I started to get teary and flustered and noticed that no matter what particular cloth I tried to use as a vice grip on the handle, be it jean or cotton, wasn't working and only causing a blister to form on my palm. I started walking in circles in my foyer. The lightbulb went off over my melon and I remembered having my super's number slipped under my crappy ass door last week (this being the week I locked myself out of my crappy ass door and had to foot $250 for a new non-functioning doorknob). I gave the Slav a ring and although I could tell thru her accent she was confused as hell, she appeared on the other side of the door to give a deep hip thrust that sent me to freedom. Mind you, there was no offer of how to correct this problem, and I'm sure she will adore when once again I call her first thing tomorrow morning to help me OPEN A DOOR!

So you're thinking, "how embarrassing for you" and "man, that sucks!" and you're absolutely correct, but as if that weren't enough to make today feel like Monday, when I got to the damn subway (which I was already pissed about using, but options were limited cause of the rain) I found myself unable to make it down the stairs because the entire 6 train had been flooded. A heard of straphangers (not you Les, you old faithful straphanger you) stood on the other side of the gate staring at me wondering how they would get out and even more impossible, how I would get in. I stared, considered my options (which were all of one) and jumped in. People actually started making noise as I waded (no joke, it was up to my knees) through the swamp water that hobos alike should have been bathing in. I heard laughing (of the cheering variety) and a few "ughs", but as I see it I had no other choice.

Most of my day at work has been spent hearing "Damn, It Feels Good to be a Gangster" play in my head while I fight and curse with the copy machine over it's refusal to accept 11 x 17 from me and only me. I feel like my life really is amounting towards being worth something by this point in the day.

And needless to say, the day is only half over and I'm pretty sure is going to continue to suck... as I am counting the minutes until I get to clean up after my boss and his brothers who have locked themselves in a conference room to annihilate slop consisting mostly of onions and feta cheese.

I miss college...


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