Friday, September 17, 2004

In Fact, It Ain't E-Z Being A Ho

In Fact, It Ain't E-Z Being A Ho

I was finally able last night to view the acclaimed documentary "Atlantic City Hookers: It Ain't E-Z Being A Ho" on HBO. I was immediately struck by the narrators voice... "We now meet TAAASHAAA". Pretty sure he's a regular patron. As it turns out that prostitutes are a deep well of wisdom and words to live by. I have taken the liberty of jotting down some notes so that their knowledge can be passed on. We begin with Tia, who as it were, seems to not dabble in the what at first appears to be a prerequisite for employment: drugs and babies. Tia focuses on the goal and delivers her mantra of "finance before romance." Got it. Just in case you were having any trouble remembering those three very important words, she dumbs it down for you "don't stare at the bulge in the middle of the pants, focus on the bulge at the side of his pants." How right you are, Tia! Just a few short moments and we are introduced to Sunshine (do you think that's her given name?). Sunshine is a 40 year old woman without eyebrows, teeth, and apparently hair, as it is visable she is wearing a wig which she repeatedly brushes while walking down the track. Sunshine's not picky and is a firm equal opportunity employer, it seems her way of gain is thru the old trusty barder system. Given her unfailing crack habit, Sunshine will give it away for $5, a cigarette, or a hit. And no worries fella, she assures you they're dentures, so you're getting your monies worth! We learn thru the Sunshine and her peers wisdom that white guys, in fact, are likely to cum the quickest. You don't say? A woman named Christina delivers her background of au pairs, country clubs, and big houses and proves that hooking is not discriminate. In fact even someone with the belief as say "when I grew up I wasn't allowed to swim in an above ground pool. It's considered low class" can have a future in the world's oldest profession. Good to know. It turns out it's hard on the streets and if you choose this line of work (as all the ladies assume you are thinking of doing), you need to be prepared for a life of drugs and debt, unless you're like Lisa, cause she ain't dirty. And don't come looking for Tia to pull you out of it either, she has stood firm in her belief that she is, in fact, not "Captain Save A Ho"!

I leave you with probably the most profound thought from once again, the brains in the bunch, Tia: "There's no way I'm giving half my money to no pimp! Is he gonna give half this blow job?!" Tia says pimp, I say it sounds like Uncle Sam... just saying...

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