Monday, September 27, 2004

Tornado Kristine Touches Down

Tornado Kristine Touches Down

This past week was apparently one designed for natural disasters. After Hurricane Mary-Jane ripped thru town this past Sunday, Saturday night was followed by Tornado Kristine, an out of town friend of Robin's (nee Robyn) who crashed at my place for the weekend as well...

We shall start at the very beginning...

Friday night was marked by my rather spacious studio (again, I stress "studio") being occupied by a total of 5 visitor's, 4 of whom I had never met three hours prior. I was three deep in my small bed with Robin and Kristine (note to self: unless something extracurricular, my bed is not meant to comfortably sleep that many).

The following day (the one the twister decided to strike down upon) was slow to start and I found myself catatonic until about 11 PM. Robin, Kristine, Leslie, and I met some friends of mine up on the Upper East Side (a rare event we travel in this direction). Robin and Kristine left a bit later and traveled downtown to meet a few of Kristine's fellow New Hampshirer's at Marquee (where she was later kicked out of - we speculate a girl fight went down). I was back to my place before Robin and Kristine struggled in at around 5:15 AM. Kristine was in definite zombie mode and trying her best to find the bathroom that apparently laid deep within the confines of my closet. Robin had had enough after being slapped and kicked several times by a blacked out Kristine. Eventually Robin got Kristine to the couch and I thought the worst of it was over. I was so very wrong. At 7:51 AM Robin and I awoke at the exact same time to Kristine running into the coffee table, followed by her immediately passing out onto her face on my hardwood floors. It's safe to say she had yet to sleep anything off. Kristine eventually came to and once again made a beeline for my closet (aka her hopeful future dumping ground). Thankfully she was stopped, but this caused her to go into a tailspin of confusion. I watched her like slow motion as she spun around and around (hence the reference to her cyclone like destruction), knowing all the while that this was not going to be pleasant. I worried about my fragile bar that hung to the wall like a loose tooth, that would be certain disaster at this speed of momentum, the stairs she was sure to ignore and trip up or down. I knew what was going to happen, and slowly it all played out for me as Kristine's body weight came full force ("flying squirrel" style) onto my bookshelves. She flattened those suckers like she had fallen on a cardboard box. Shelves were everywhere and my rows and rows of high heels were scattered around Kristine like lost shell casings. And where was Kristine? On top of the shelf face down once again uttering a silent and sleepy "ow, ow, guys?" We stared at her and each other for over a minute trying to comprehend what we had just witnessed. I contemplated snapping a photo, as I had grabbed my phone out of habit, but decided this could be an inappropriate situation, especially when the irritating voice from phone shouted "say cheeeese!" Oh, how I wished I had thought differently. Robin ushered Kristine to the real bathroom where we left her passed out, bare-assed on the toilet. It gave us a few hours rest and we figured that was probably the best place to leave her anyway. She awoke not three hours later completely chipper and most oblivious to the weapon of mass destruction she had become after a little Jameson. Needless to say, she's welcome any time!


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