Friday, October 01, 2004

If I Had Known Then What I Know Now!!!

If I Had Known Then What I Know Now!!!

A few months ago, myself and several of my friends attended J Lo's lingerie launch party. My main reason for going was that Rachel had given me the heads up that she had invited Scott Speedman and for years now I had been confident that I was looking for my very own Ben Covington to be seduced by. The drinks were flowing and free, and like Nel Carter to fudge, I over indulged. In short, I was wasted, and all this by 9 PM! So as I wait for Scott Speedman to descend upon me (as I was sure he would), who should walk in but none other then Benjamin McKenzie. The excitement was at a fever pitch inside me and as he approached I did my best to play it cool, but like an A-Bomb I exploded with nuclear waste upon him when at last we were face to face (I have a tendency to say the worst thing to celebrities ever, like when I told Britney "I had a huge melon", although in the context of a hat, but I digress). Nothing was said, no eye contact was made, but let's just say plenty of physical contact was made, as in my hands to his junk (or at least that is what my observent friends have led me to believe, as at that point I could only focus with one eye open). I reversed into him like a mac truck when the beeping sound of their immenent reverse is made. Thanks to Elle magazine I am now priviledged with information that could have made our union more hopeful. Who would have thought my first attempt wouldn't have been successful.

ELLE:Nah, you're fine. Since you're single, how about some practical advice: What should women approaching you never say?
BM: I hate it when the first thing is “I love the show.” And it's annoying when women say derogatory stuff about the place you're at, like, “Oh, this place is so dead.” Well, then leave! Anything about the biz is a huge turnoff too, like, “Ugh, my manager told me not to come to this place.” [ed. notice he said nothing about disliking a girl backing her ass up into him?!]

ELLE:Comprehensive list. Anything you might actually respond to favorably?
BM: A political point of view is really sexy, especially in L.A. Women here are exotic and beautiful, but it's like you're in a zoo. You look around thinking, Wow, look at all those pretty animals, and then when one opens its mouth and speaks, you're like, Holy shit, the monkey's talking to me!

and here's the kicker:

ELLE:If you designed the perfect woman, who would she be?
BM: Physically, I really couldn't tell you other than I'd like her to be gorgeous. I'd like her to have the biting sarcasm and world-weariness of Janeane Garofalo. And Martha Stewart's talent for organization—my apartment's a mess.

Are you even kidding that he just described me to a T? Georgeous, check... bitterly funny, check... Martha-like skills, oh my god, check, check, check!!! I'm ready for round two!


Anonymous Anonymous said...

So, did you get to see Scott Speedman after all? (Just bought Felicity season 3 dvd and *loves* Ben Covington all over again :)

October 13, 2004 at 8:21 PM  
Blogger Kiki said...

OH I saw him and more correctly, my ass saw him! According to my friends that could see without closing one eye, after I reversed into him, he looked at me queerly, then at his friends, and then at my friends as if to say "get your friend back on the short bus!" I shall never forget our moment!

October 14, 2004 at 10:16 AM  

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