Friday, November 26, 2004

From the Road:

From the Road:

Everyone will be relieved to know that I made it home in one piece. If there was even a flitter of doubt as to whether or not my excitement of coming home was valid, it was immediately evaporated upon my arrival to my Aunt's house yesterday evening for Thanksgiving dinner. Within the first few steps of my entry into her domain I was greeted by the sweetest of smells of quite possibly the best cooking ever to have existed (think 15 appetizers and 4 ridiculous pies). But was this the reason that confirmed my earlier anticipation... not a chance! What was it you ask...? The fact that as my Uncle continuously played Chopin on the piano my Aunt was busy dumping liters of tequila into a blender to refill my Grandmothers oversized glass, which she had deemed "top heavy" and needing to be carried with two hands. When her arms got tired (which appeared to be quite often) my Grandmother (or "Dudie" as she has been known for just shy of a century) could be found setting her football-sized glass down on the counter and simply bringing her mouth down to meet the glass at a level she deemed "no hands". It appeared to be the best approach. My cousin, Mike, my mother, and Grandpa were busy on another side of the room playing full scale Texas Hold 'em (poker chips and all). There were many a priceless quote to be heard that made me confident there was no other place I'd rather be, but perhaps the most poignant was when I heard Mike ask his mother if she had any Benedryl to feed to his reambunctious new puppy, to which she offered up "handfuls of Zoloft". Later in the evening Budge was kind enough to stop by to pick me up and got roped into a long standing family tradition of Domino's. I knew it was time to remove Budge when she could be seen in my elderly Grandma's face shouting "I SCHOOLED YOU!".

Let's have a flashback shall we? Wednesday night I went straight to the Pointe Tavern from the airport (which I'm glad to report still allows indoor smoking) to meet an already thriving party of many old friends I was awaiting to see and even more that I would prefer stay under their rock. There is one precious moment that really sums it all up and why Budge is just so special (think Bernie's Top 17 List). Upon Ambrosia and I's ribbing, Budge dialed up Toddster, an old friend of ours from high school, which to the dismay of every man that has ever met her due to her hottness, is fonder of the feminie wiles (that means "Lesbian" Brooke!). It can be said with certainty that Toddster has chosen since that fateful coming out day of '97 to remove herself from the Upper Arlington Golden Bears (yep, Jack Nicklaus) bubble. We occasionally choose to do drop in's and constant calls in order to irritate her to the point she just obliges us with her presence. Wednesday evening was no exception. At the point that Budge had finally submitted to calling the Toddster and received her voicemail, she broke concentration to yell at Nurse Beef (or Hardbomb as you may know him) shouting "You Homo!" directly after the beep. Safe to say we've confirmed Toddster's theory of us being insensitive, judgemental whores! Bitchin'!

*Note: Budge would like me to clarify that she is in no way, shape, or form a villian! Although, I might have difficulty concurring with such a statement, as I recall her also antagonizing my fragile Grandmother with the words "meet your nemisis!"

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