Tuesday, November 16, 2004

She Got a Bum Rap!

She Got a Bum Rap!

We've all had those days. Those days where the people of the street provide us with such fodder that we are left to tell the story over and over to any who will listen. Whether it be LouLou's brawl that almost wasn't when an old lady with quite a remarkable set of filthy teeth shouted out at LouLou "Hey Lay-Deeeee! Don't make me take a swing at you! You better hope for your sake you're a better fighter then I am!", causing LouLou to run as fast as her flats could take her all the while looking over her shoulder. Or, Ambrosia in San Francisco who had the pleasure of walking directly behind a man who was in the midst of quite a dilemma balancing the need to walk and 'rhea all at the same time. My special moment came when an old black lady with at least 15 coats on immersed in a crowd waiting for the 3rd Avenue bus line shouted out to me "I can smell your pussy from over here, BITCH!"

But none of us have seemed able to convey the magic of such a moment into our story telling quite like the Banterist and his experience from Sunday:

The mind is never prepared to process the visual of an obese, middle-aged woman in a pink hat leaning against a car, pooping. The mind can not be trained to suffer that horror in any capacity. Nor should it have to.

Madam, I've seen dead people, grisly crime photos and a guy from New Guinea with testicular elephantitis - but it was you who provided me with the most disturbing visual image to date. And nature was an accessory to the crime too: The sunlight was perfect, illuminating your underside just enough to create a darling silhouette of your ongoing efforts, as well as a few accomplishments which rested peacefully on the newspaper you placed underneath yourself.

I highly recommend reading the entire entry.

***Note To Readers: I would like it to be said that that lady could absolutely not have smelled my you-know-whatsies, when I'm pretty sure she hadn't showered since Nixon was impeached and probably had a habit of defecating on herself as well. Just saying...

[court. Banterist]


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