Thursday, December 23, 2004

And Mary Just Needed A Place To Stay...

And Mary Just Needed A Place To Stay...

I came to find today that my last bedfellow of quite a significant amount of time is now and most likely has been in the midst of what seems to be a relationship with another. This has driven me to sulk and ponder most of the morning, which one would find odd if you knew how little I felt about this person on a day to day basis.

In my life I think I’ve only been truly interested in two boys. And out of those two boys only in love with one of them. I find it difficult to be open enough that I would be interested in someone usually. The other, more recent interest I spoke of, didn’t even come close to matching feeling or experience I had for my first and since only love.

Interestingly enough (or should I say depressingly enough) it sticks out in my memory that neither of the two ever gave me an orgasm or appeared to make an honest effort towards the outcome of one. So why is that in both cases I found myself nauseous at the news they were eventually with someone else. Why is it that girls are conditioned to feel at these moments?

Most that have met me have at one time or another used the phrase “you’re tough” to describe me. I believe they say this most instances in terms of my approachability, although I am sure it can be said it applies as well to my resilience at times. I assume this is some sort of defense mechanism I developed after the Armageddon that I would describe my first love, because surprisingly with him I was able to be open and giving, but never since.

The real question that plagues me at this moment, why would I possibly be interested in someone that wasn’t able or never bothered to supply me with an orgasm (I've tried it, it's not that difficult)? And more importantly, why now some three months after its pitiful end would I even care that some other woman is getting his affection? Is it because I’m afraid he saved up this underrated trade for two years while he drunk dialed and bored me and now she is reaping the benefits of my tireless wait?

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