Friday, October 29, 2004

Finkle, Einhorn... Einhorn's Finkle!

Finkle, Einhorn... Einhorn's Finkle!

Congrats to Julie and John on their upcoming wedding! What your website fails to say, Julie, is that you have entrusted me to give some sort of speech on your big day! Can we just say... "Ballsy move"! Although, I guess all things considered, between me and Bridget, I was the lesser of the evils! I meant it on the guest book, if I happen to go missing over the weekend, check the Annheiser-Busch tour...

RIP PBR!

RIP PBR!

Seriously...

PORTAGE, Wisconsin (AP) -- A woman has been arrested for allegedly digging
up her dead boyfriend's ashes from a cemetery and drinking the beer that was
buried with him.

...maybe she was just thirsty!

[court. CNN]

No Longer a Po' Boy!

No Longer a Po' Boy!

Delta Grill is one of my most favorite restaurants in all of New York City... and now I can keep my money and make it all myself!

[thanks Gothamist!]

T Minus 4 Hours!

T Minus 4 Hours!


In the spirit of Halloween and taking into consideration the habits of Kiki, I found the most appropo photo I could to depict the events of the coming days! Bon fete!

Happy Halloween!

Maybe I'll Just Text Him...

Maybe I'll Just Text Him...

If they're looking for #17 on their drunk dial list... just give me 5 hours and I'm there!

Thursday, October 28, 2004

Master of the Universe!

Master of the Universe!

In the spirit of what will be a wonderful tandum of outfits this Saturday (pictures to follow), myself as She-Ra and Davey as He-Man... I present to you one of the funnier cartoons since the Ambiguously Gay Duo (that was an awesome costume as well Alex & Chris)!

[court. my brother, Rand]

Les jeux sont faits!

Les jeux sont faits!

"Translation: the game is up. Your ass is mine."

Who knew at the time exactly what Ed Rooney meant when he said these words... I knew there was a deeper reason then truancy that he chased Ferris all over town...

SuperKiki

SuperKiki

It's a good thing Martha is keeping me updated with her prison diaries, or else I'd be worried for her safety:

Dear Friends,

Okay, I lied. The truth is things are a bit difficult for me here at Alderson. The other inmates keep calling me "Fresh Fish," referring to my status as a newly-interned, uninitiated inmate. They also call me "Cunt". I've never been called that before by a stranger and it's very disconcerting. I suppose it's sort of like sorority hazing and eventually they'll warm up to me. I have found the best remedy to this kind of aggression is to smile and offer a friendly outstretched hand. Right now I'm covered in spit. Prison spit is difficult to describe but it's not entirely pleasant. I do have to go right now. I will try to write as I'm able.
Thank you again for your support.


Sincerely,

Martha Stewart

This reminds me briefly of a time when after escorting my drunk mother (two glasses of Burgundy and she's toast) back to my apartment this past spring. After my Mother's unrelenting hope that I'd someday marry my friend, David (who happens to be Jewish), and me professing to her that I had Jesus in my heart, Leslie, Rachel, and I sang her off to sleep with a lovely rendition of "This Little Light of Mine." We later stumbled across a girl sitting on third avenue in front of Pizza 33 slumped over sporting a rather stellar crack. At first we assumed this was our friend, Laura, and she hadn't quite made it home. But upon closer inspection (this being where I poked at her with my foot) I noticed this young woman was in need of some help. She could barely speak that she lived at 33rd and 3rd and when I tried to explain that we were in fact already there, she was most difficult at pulling further instructions from. I raised her to her feet and noticed that, at first what looked like some lovely passerby had juiced on her head, but indeed only spat the fattest wad they could muster. Lovely! Where were this girls friends for Gods sake (not that there hasn't been a time or two when all of us might have been guilty of the same, that cab driver just kept driving)?

I hobbeled her down 33rd making my way to what at best I assumed was her apartment. Leslie and Rachel hung back a few feet (perhaps they feared the white foamy spit she wore like a crown, but not I), and it was at this moment that she told me to hold up and proceeded to puke all over my shoes (I usually like to accept thank-yous in the form of cash, but bygones)! I finally found the apartment that I assume belonged to her and dropped her in the breezeway. She gave me a troglodite-like thank you before passing out on the lineoleum floor and my good duty for the year was over just like that...

A Box of Franzia a Day... Keeps the Doctor Away!

A Box of Franzia a Day... Keeps the Doctor Away!

Turns out the two bad (yet faithful) things Les & I love most in this world... actually NEGATE one another! Old faithful... always by my side! It's true, there really is nothing sexier than grey teeth and grey lungs! Get down with your bad self!

Wednesday, October 27, 2004

By the Power of GraySkull...

By the Power of GraySkull...


The clock is winding down closer towards another excellent drinkfest... my gold boots are all ready and polished, just in time for Ghettoween! Mols, Tam, and LouLou will be hosting a party Saturday night in their massive backyard in the LES. You must bring a 40 ounce, costume, and a smile on your face (or put one on mine) to attend. If you have any interest in coming and somehow didn't receive the evite, let me know and I'll pass along the specific location info (make sure you bring your egg to the right gas station for this one... ah, Steve Sanders). It's not The Cellar, but it'll have to do...

Where: 11th Street area (between B & C)

When: Saturday, October 30, 9:00pm

"The days of the porch are over people... prepare yourself for the scariest halloween ever... We've moved and plan to party in Alphabet City... you're invited to Ghettoween 2004! BYO-4-0. Be it O.E. or King Kobra, no admittance without a Forty and a costume."


There Goes the Sun, Little Darlin'...

There Goes the Sun, Little Darlin'...

So, yesterday I had the ingenuity (you say "hangover"... tomato/tomahto) to play hooky (sorry to disappoint all three of you)! I went to several thrift stores (Suzette dominated on LES over Mimi's and Jacks), walked every corner of the city, ate by Tompkins Square Park (hats off to the Chef at Life and the grilled SAB sandwich, went nicely with the gay pitcher of strawberry daquiri's Johnny orderd us), and just thouroughly enjoyed a day without Star Jones blocking the sun...

... and then this! HATE... HER!!!

Good Things Come in Small Packages

Good Things Come in Small Packages

This is the most exciting thing I've heard in awhile! God, I love me the small ones! I know this is special for you too, Davey... want to take a vacation? To say... a remote Indonesian island?

"Carnie folk... small hands!"

Also, similarly, I recommend this book! My mom bought it for me on Valentine's Day a few years ago (that's between her and I) and it has never disappointed me! Even if only for the first chapter and the pictures... worth looking into!

Monday, October 25, 2004

It's All Kosher With Me!

It's All Kosher With Me!

Although I was raised on a healthy diet of Jesus, I too, take the occasional trip to Tasti D-Light. Last evening while stocking up on banana and chocolate to make sure I was plenty cared for when Hurricane Mary-Jane came knocking on my belly, I was pervy to witness and later appreciate that the newest Tasti D-light to arrive by my apartment (32nd and 2nd Ave) houses a wall-size chart of the months flavors so that you can plan your trip accordingly! Fucking genius'!!!

The Swan

The Swan

It's Monday... I HATE Monday's (cue Office Space quote here)!! But this particular Monday, I actually have something to look forward to! Behold, another season of me not answering phone calls at the witching hour!

This reminds me of a little time I spent in Central Park with the visiting Dr. Rexxy. We had just seen the solarium show at the Air & Space Museum (some of Harrison Fords' better work I must say) and found ourselves later walking along the lake in Central Park. There were several people sitting along one of those giant boulders they have there and others milling around the edge of the water. Along the edge of the water there were also several tiny little birds that were just off to the side of the boulder. The birds were rather dark in color (and at first glance one might assume baby ducks). Just off to the side of these birds (trapped on the other side of the people) was a rather large and angry swan. The swan was making its way over to the tiny birds (which at this point were obviously it's offspring), that were currently being harassed by fat mid-westerners in jams and their dirty little children, whose mouths were covered in pudding pop. As I saw it quite clear now, these were obviously baby swans (as I can recall only the most famous of children stories now left to cliche city)! But as this rather brash German (and all the other onlookers, sans Kiki and Dr. Rexxy) saw it, these little birds were in trouble and need of some defending. Like a warrior in his military boots and blonde crew cut, the German chased after the swan"SWAAAAAAAAAAN, SWAAAAAAAAAAAAN, c'mere SWAAAAN!!!" (Mind you Dr. Rexxy at this point could be heard saying to himself rhytmically "Oh, Mis-ter Swaaaaaannnn?!) The swan squawked and charged, doing it's best to protect it's babies. The German not only tried unsuccessfully to chase the bird away, but when this failed his frustration (or apparently learned skills) kicked in and he actually lunged and kicked the swan in the neck... HE KICKED THE BIRD IN ITS FRIGGIN NECK!!! The visiting Wisconsonians thanked him and he replied "it 'tis no pro-blem... I deal with this sort of 'ting all da time in my country!" Wha??? You deal with what all the time in Deutschland? Kicking birds in their necks? What the hell is wrong with you, man?! I was somewhere stuck in this weird parallel of being disgusted and laughing my ass off like I find myself everytime someone has displayed even the tiniest of trips. God that shit was funny!

Blame it on the Rain!

Blame it on the Rain!

Oh, Ashlee... whatever you do, don't put the blame on you...

[Update: View the video court. College Humor]

Friday, October 22, 2004

Tick... Tock... Tick... Tock...

Tick... Tock... Tick... Tock...

It's Friday and my rain dance to the Drunk God's is just moments from commencement. Let it rain vodka soda's...

also, shots on me whoever can guess which beautiful friend of ours just emailed me:
God, I got a doop knocking on my back door... I don't know how I'm going to survive?!

Update:
The above was followed by an email about my responses finally arriving off the "tart cart"...

This just in:
SERIOUSLY..... TURTLE, TURTLE, TURTLE...... STOP!!!!
It might be a doopie suprise. It must be the ruffage I ate for lunch.


[pretty sure cheese, bacon, and "butt beans" does not "ruffage" make... maybe "foreign" is more appropriate since the last time your system saw lettuce was when it was used to garnish the paper dish that your corn dog rested in!]


Collect Call from JdeG

Collect Call from JdeG

JdeG was just explaining to me that she was trying to put in a conference call to her family in the Philippines and was nervous that she'd get caught for doing this on the company dime. My advice to her... "No problem! Just deny it, like I did with that sex line in Haiti when my mom busted me!" Chalk it up to a blonde moment that I didn't connect JdeG's background as being a dead giveaway! I'm allowed one of those a day!

Presidentpanzee

Presidentpanzee


He's got my vote!


Wife for Sale

Wife for Sale

Uhhh... real nice catch you got there, lady! Seems like a fair trade, your husband whores you out for tickets. Make sure you don't let this one get away!

[court. Boston Craigs List]

Rise and Shine

Rise and Shine

Are you fucking kidding me? I totally wet myself just reading this... let alone waking up to this! God, why is April Fool's so damn far away!?

[court. College Humor]

Kiki Living

Kiki Living

I'm looking for a new job... she's looking for a contestent... seems pretty obvious to me we've got a hit on our hands:

The Briefing
Martha's most wanted: Lowdown hears that NBC reality
show guru Mark Burnett and reps for jailed domestic diva Martha Stewart have
sealed the deal for an "Apprentice"-type reality show in which contestants
compete for Stewart's approval.


Yesterday, NBC and Burnett declined to comment, with Burnett
cautioning: "Out of respect for Martha and out of respect for the legal system,
I can't and won't talk about business with Martha, because it's not
appropriate."


Stewart is forbidden from doing business while incarcerated at
Alderson Federal Prison Camp in West Virginia. Dawn Zobel, a spokeswoman for the
women's prison, said that any footage of Martha - for possible use in the show -
must follow rigid guidelines:


"Before anyone videotapes, we confer with the regional office and
make sure that everybody agrees it's conducive to the mission and we're not
violating security. Videotaping is only allowed on one wall in the visitation
room during nonvisitation days. The inmate needs to be stationary in a chair in
one place."


Doesn't sound terribly TV-friendly.

[court. NY Daily News via Reality Blurred]

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

Wisdom by The Wej

Wisdom by The Wej

Words of wisdom from Davey for the day:

Well, at least I’ll be there drinking by myself so welcome to join. Drunks love company. Or is misery loves company? Ahhhhh, what’s the difference?

Apparently drunks also love similes!

Undeliverable

Undeliverable

I have been extremely busy today... although that's hard to judge since I have been mostly fucked up all morning from taking medicine without any food (note to self: let's try this every morning... we likes!). But I needed to post from once again the great IJC. I know this is starting to become a mere recant each day from him, when you lazy asses could just as easily go straight to his site, but this time I mostly adored the comment to his days post. IJC begins by posting a walk down memory lane of a girl he met on J-Date (I don't know why I'm so shocked he used this service) and how their relationships demise was met by a rather brief email he received from the girl:

From: Amy
How are you? First off I don’t usually like to do these type of things over emails but it is sometimes easier to write than say in person. You have been great so far and I have had a lot of un with you but I honestly have to say I feel that we are missing something or some might say that “spark” that many successful couples I know have. Rather than continue with what we have; I feel it would be best to stop seeing each other. I don’t like to drag things on and I think I am making the right decision.
Hope to see you around.
Amy


Followed by his response:

To: Amy
Hi Amy. I guess it is pretty ironic that you told me this news over email, since that is how we met in the first place. For what it's worth, I had fun.


But what I liked best was this comment:

I'm sorry but "spark" is almost as bad as "connection." I would have written back...

"unsubscribe"



Monday, October 18, 2004

I'm Just Not That Into This Book

I'm Just Not That Into This Book

IJC sums up the literary world's recent obsession "He's Just Not That Into":

despite all this, no matter how annoying a girl is, a guy will always
call back when the girl is really hot or when there's the chance of sex within
one more date. the lesson to be taken from all this? if a girl isn't that hot
but still wants a guy to call back, sex is always the answer.


I have read this and I too agree with Rick Marin's article in yesterday's style section. No book (especially with only one repeated tag line) is possibly going to be able to undo this amount of nuts...

15 Days 'til Hell Freezes Over!

15 Days 'til Hell Freezes Over!

Thanks to Mike O'Toole for some extremely funny captions regarding the lesser of evils we call the "candidates".

This is a Much Better "View"

This is a Much Better "View"

This weekend (i.e. the longest weekend of my life) at the Hog Pit I bonded with BaBa-aWa WaWa's fired protege, Debbie Matenopoulos. And I have to say, now that she is obviously sans her Greek nose she is looking quite hot and younger then I had at first thought. Just one more example that plastic surgery is always a step in the right direction!

Also, kudos goes out to my IT guy who actually took the time out of his morning (and even worse, mine) to tell me the following joke:

IT Guy: Did you hear about that actress that was stabbed over the weekend?
Kiki: Who?
IT Guy: Ahhh... Reese... what's her name?!
Kiki: Witherspoon?
IT Guy: No with a knife!

That's hilarious, man, keep up the good work Dangerfield!

Friday, October 15, 2004

Chicken Dance

Chicken Dance

You can thank me later!

"Roving It!"

"Roving It!"

Thanks to Julie at College Humor, I've just been priviledged to read one of the more well written and humorous entries to date. Example:

I’d just like to give a shout out to the guy at the bar on 31st who bought
me a vodka tonic my first night back in the city. I’m sorry I didn’t stay for
longer to talk to you. It’s just that I couldn’t hear you over your acne. But,
thanks for the drink. And I’m sure the guy that I did hook up with that night
would like to thank you for your contribution to my drunken promiscuity.



Bus Stop

Bus Stop

This morning on the way to work I was walking next to a man who was on his cell phone. I heard him say "So that's your story and you're sticking to it?" and then he ended it with "well, you better watch your step in front of any busses!"... I crossed the street.

Thursday, October 14, 2004

Little Me

Little Me


Girl still loves her Cap'n Crunch!

Arrival of Autumn

Arrival of Autumn

From the desk of IJC:

on the walk to work you notice this change. how the ijc's know to make the
switch at the exact same time is a source of mystery to me. i don't know how
this changeover is communicated. what i do know is that the changeover is
shocking. not as shocking as when your cell phone rings while you are trying to
masturbate, but shocking none the less.

Funny stuff!

Princess Kiki

Princess Kiki

How do you think they got the monarchy in the first place??

A is for Amoebas!

A is for Amoebas!

WHAT??!!!! I have been completely rendered speechless... What???? This really dumbs down the odds for future success by the way... 1 in 100?! No, seriously?! What??!!

But I'm Funny How? Funny Like a Clown? Do I Amuse You?

But I'm Funny How? Funny Like a Clown? Do I Amuse You?

This morning on the Today Show they had Frank and Gina Hill. These are the children depicted in the turncoat family of Frank Hill portrayed by Ray Liota in "Goodfellas". Frank and Gina arrived in full disguise, including artifical skin, hair, and noses. They have been in hiding since the early 80's and have never since gone by these names, nor told anyone regarding their past. They have just written a book depicting their life as "On the Run: A Mafia Childhood" and life in the Witness Protection Program. Interesting I'm sure... but what's the point of the disguises if the mob (whom you fled from in New York) can pinpoint your exact location to Rockefeller Plaza [Update: Sorry... "Democracy Plaza"]? I'm just saying... I don't know that I'd take these chances to promote a book...

Dear Martha,

Dear Martha,

I officially have a new pen pal:

Martha Stewart
Prisoner number 55170-054
Alderson Federal Prison Camp
Glen Ray Road, Box B
Alderson, West Virginia 24910

I have already begun penning my first letter:

Dear Martha,
I hope West Virginia is treating you well. We miss you back here in the Big Apple. I was hoping we could possibly get involved in a recipe exchange. I hear they are all the rage these days! I must tell you I get nothing but adoration every time I make your "Meatloaf 101"! Kudos on the use of carmelized onions. They really do make all the difference!
Best of luck in the coming days! Perhaps you can teach your peers how to craftily make soap on a rope, to ensure no one drops theirs! Be looking for my recipe in the coming days. I'm feeling like a clever take on peeps - - crows if you will, to celebrate the upcoming Halloween. All my best,
Kiki

Free Mac!

Free Mac!

I know it's getting worrisome about my interest in the boy... but seriously, like this is newsworthy?!

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

Kees Van Dongen: Femme Fatale

Kees Van Dongen: Femme Fatale


Kees Van Dongen : Femme Fatale

My favorite artist, Kees Van Dongen, who is always well represented at auctions has a low estimated piece ($3,000,000 - $4,000,000) that I think is extrodinary in the upcoming Christie's Evening Sale next month. If you all send me a dollar now, I might be able to swing it... hint, hint if you don't know what to get me for Christmas!


Objects May Appear Larger

Objects May Appear Larger



I don't know what's funnier... how drunk we all are or Luke's shirt and hair??!!

She's Fantastic, Made of Plastic

She's Fantastic, Made of Plastic

Leslie and I were just discussing two of our favorite shows when we were younger, "Small Wonder" and "Out of This World"... it's nice taking a trip down memory lane...

Other links to these shows:
Jump the Shark - Out of This World (I had no idea Burt Reynolds played the voice of the her alien father in the crystal cube!)
TV Tome - Out of This World
Jump the Shark - Small Wonder
TV Tome - Small Wonder

Does This Include Dental?

Does This Include Dental?

As we all know, I have been thinking of a career change as of late (before they wise up and can my ass) and I am pretty sure I have found my new calling... behold, my new boss Mae Lee!

[court. The New York Times]

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

It's All Japanese To Me!

It's All Japanese To Me!

My friend, Brendan, has recently returned from a trip to Tokyo. He noticed while in Tokyo that the locals quite enjoy wearing all things with the English language, regardless of whether or not they are informed on what it means. Evidence: he saw a 7 year old girl with a t-shirt that read: Coming Soon... All Over Your Face!

Classic!

Well Alright, Alright, Alright!

Well Alright, Alright, Alright!

Richard Linklater's fellow classmates in Huntsville, Texas, Bobby Wooderson, Andy Slater, and Richard "Pink" Floyd have filed suit against the Director claiming that 1993's "Dazed and Confused" has created others to unjustly view them as dope smokers. In my opinon, the most damning evidence that this might just be the case... it's taken them all of 11 years to file.

[Update: Leslie Bautsch has just informed that her entire family is from Huntsville, Texas. Why am I not the least bit surprised?]

God Bless Reality!

God Bless Reality!

The season premiere is still too far away for my liking... but holy blessed, High School Reunion is back!!!

In the meanwhile, I am just as content focusing all of my energy on Laguna Beach (or Stephen as the case may be...)

Monday, October 11, 2004

Over and Over

Over and Over

by Nelly, featuring Tim McGraw
[ Download MP3 ]

Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
And I can’t keep picturing you with him
And it hurts so bad, yeah
Cause it’s on in my head
I think about it over and over again
I replay it over and over again
And I can’t take it yeah I can’t shake it

[rest of this fabulous songs lyrics here...]

Britney Gets a "Facial"!

Britney Gets a "Facial"!



Special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun...

[court. Fug]

7B

7B


I am shocked, but 7B enthusiastically allowed the return of Sea Snake & Crew this weekend... one broken chair later...


Friday, October 08, 2004

TGIF

TGIF

Once again I have returned to work over an hour late from lunch (whatever could I have been doing?) and as I hailed a cab across town in busy Rockefeller Plaza to return to my epileptic enducing job, I watched as another woman snatched my cab right from under my nose (under my nose, ha 'tis Friday). As I opened the door to mildly confront/make her feel uncomfortable, she pleaded her case that she had been indeed waiting but then switched to "oh my god, I know you... where do I know you from?" "ummm... you're right. You know what, you do look familiar! You look like the bitch that just nic't my fucking cab!"

Also, I have arrived back to work with sweat marks under my boobs. Fucking awesome!

and lastly, big fan of Eminem's new song...

Queen of the Clank!

Queen of the Clank!

I am extremely sad today for my Martha. I will be seen this evening pouring my King Kobra for my fallen homey.

Speaking of which, by my clock we have approximately ten and a half hours until I've officially vomited in my own hands...

Thursday, October 07, 2004

Homo Alone?!

Homo Alone?!

Popbyte's newest claims are that they have an update (unsubstantiated at best) on Mac's preferred love triangle. I have a hard time believing Mila is kosher with all this, but most of all I have a hard time ever picturing Mac and Nick Carter (who is the biggest fag of the bunch) ever being friends. Picturing Carter at Don Hill's or hanging out under Mac's giant solar system in his apartment just isn't an image that comes easily to yours truly. Again, Johnny your thoughts? True or false? Funnel your comments over to the right...

IJC... Loving It!

IJC... Loving It!

Thanks to Manhattan Transfer, I have officially found one of my favorite sites, The IJC. Thankfully, someone has finally touched on what makes me completely seperate (not to mention charming) from every other single female that habitates in Murray Hill...

IJC... HA!... I'm so loving it... (read beginning at the bottom and work your way up)...

Wednesday, October 06, 2004

Secret of Life

Secret of Life


I began and finished reading yesterday "Secret of Life: Commonsense Advice for Uncommon Women" (formerly titled "Radical Sanity") by Elizabeth Wurtzel (author of Prozac Nation). And although it appears by my most recent former blog to have done me absolutely no good, I recommend picking it up if you are looking for an extremely quick read and you have a vagina. It has extremely obvious, yet profound advice that if you hear enough, just may sink in. Such as: "If you have one foot in the past and one foot in the future, you're likely pissing on the here and now" (plus* several references to late night/early morning beak packing and other twenty-something ills).


What Are the Odds?

What Are the Odds?

Are you fucking kidding me? I just came across this interesting piece of information on Manhattan Transfer. I'm a lee-ttle queasy, because I am imagining that the "him" in this is the you-know-who-that-I-shall-no-longer-be-"speaking"-with (he may have apparently already been the one to make this choice), given his connection to The Cellar. I'm am most definitely not well!

And you people wonder why I drink so much...


MAC ATTACK!!!

MAC ATTACK!!!

Why will you people not leave my boy, Macaulay, alone? Seriously, you haven't felt my wrath, but it's large and you WILL be sorry!

Johnny, between you and me, did you and Mac ever touch each other in your special places when I wasn't around?

Me Likey My Drinkey!

Me Likey My Drinkey!

rachkrupa: I'm going to try and drink less
rachkrupa: I mean...get shitty, but not blacked out
rachkrupa: how about one of those belts
KikiNYC1: what belt?
rachkrupa: chastity
KikiNYC1: I need to stop puking on myself for god's sake
rachkrupa: I need to stop sleeping in the hallway
KikiNYC1: puking on oneself is a chastity belt in and of itself
rachkrupa: true
rachkrupa: answer these questions for me
rachkrupa: do you black out when you drink?
KikiNYC1: never once, ever! It's a problem!
rachkrupa: do you often have more than 6 drinks on one occasion?
KikiNYC1: always
rachkrupa: do you have trouble stopping drinking once you've started?
KikiNYC1: always
rachkrupa: Have you ever missed work because of drinking?
KikiNYC1: sure, not lately though... over two years since I think I've missed! Congrats me!
rachkrupa: do you often wake up feeling guilty after drinking?
KikiNYC1: yeah, but mostly cause I made an ass of myself
KikiNYC1: and guilty that now I won't leave my apartment cause I feel shitty and wasting a day away
rachkrupa: If you've answered yes to 2 or more of these questions, you could have a drinking problem
KikiNYC1: I HAVE A DRINKING PROBLEM!!!
rachkrupa: ME TOO!
rachkrupa: Molly 2
rachkrupa: Leslie 2
rachkrupa: we can start our own AA group, members only!
KikiNYC1: I also have an eating problem, a spending problem, a smoking problem
rachkrupa: I have a sleeping problem, anxiety problem and lack of $$ problem
KikiNYC1: I was just thinking that I should try and keep my drinks to a minimum of 4 when I go out and thought how f'ing difficult that would be and then I realized most people would consider that a lot!
KikiNYC1: I'm a fish
rachkrupa: me too
rachkrupa: I'm going to try to drink less
KikiNYC1: I want a drink right now
rachkrupa: a dirty martini
rachkrupa: nice and cold....
rachkrupa: yummy
KikiNYC1: an ice cold pint
KikiNYC1: you love your martini's lately
rachkrupa: I know
rachkrupa: that's why I get so fucked
KikiNYC1: I want a marg
KikiNYC1: drinking is so much better during the day
KikiNYC1: I want a liquid lunch
rachkrupa: I know
rachkrupa: wanna meet
rachkrupa: throw back a couple and call it a day
KikiNYC1: completely
KikiNYC1: I don't have a boss here...

Now presenting Employee of the decade...

Tiger's Hitched!

Tiger's Hitched!

So Tiger Woods is married. That's great and all and I could actually care less (although it does remind me of an inappropriate funny joke I once heard)... but seriously, the band was Hootie and the Blowfish! Wha?! It's a long way down boys...

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

Junk in the Trunk

Junk in the Trunk


There's nothing like starting the morning off right. This morning while waiting at a light I had the supreme pleasure of overhearing the conversation being held by the three people pictured above. It began with the guy in the blue Mets jacket on the right telling the woman in the middle that "she's looking good and all HEAVY". Well, she and her lady friend let him know straight away that you don't call a woman heavy, because the word heavy eludes (my words, clearly not theirs) to one being fat, and one should never call a woman fat. But I'm thinking as I watch this scene that this man is just lucky to be talking to women at all... had I been able to zoom any closer on the mans actual mug, this would be clear to all. It's hard to say whether they were all friends but the following was all heard by yours truly from the women before my cab moved onto greener pastures:

"Fat is where it's AT!"

"Shade in the winter for ya baby!"

and lastly,

"More cushion for your pushin'!"


Monday, October 04, 2004

Uhhh... What is This?

Uhhh... What is This?


So I was looking for a kitten and this photo came across my desk. If someone pays me I will totally adopt this hairless wonder...

(ps... Molly, what's going on with its Dirt Star?)


Banging is Fun!

Banging is Fun!

Whatever happened to fine children's television programming like this from the 70's and 80's? This is better if you watch the actual video (even more so if you remember the show), but there is also a transcript below.

[court. College Humor]

God Bless Canadians!

God Bless Canadians!

You still get one phone call from jail, correct?!

What I Learned Over the Weekend

What I Learned Over the Weekend

  1. Taking tequila shots at 4 in the afternoon leads to TROUBLE.
  2. Taking tequila shots at 4 in the afternoon leads to Leslie snuggling up to strangers.
  3. Taking tequila shots at 4 in the afternoon followed by Lemon Drops leads Kiki to get sick in her hand.
  4. Fantasies of duct taping (aka Coppertrapping) people into their apartments never works out.
  5. After 10 vodka shots and 10 vodka sodas it is best to be prepared with a box of kleenex. It is inevitable they will come in handy for one reason or another.
  6. If you try to send your friend home because she's too drunk, she'll just call other friends and meet them out.
  7. If you try to send your friend home because she's too drunk, you should probably join her.
  8. Trying to pass puke on your shirt off as spilt beer only goes over on a few people.
  9. Do not get drunk and make proclamations about loving someone to their best friend.
  10. Especially do not make these proclamations after you have puked on yourself... for the second time.

Donna Martin Graduates!

Donna Martin Graduates!

Absolutely nothing is funnier then a Lifetime Movie reference. The Fug Girls have done it once again. I especially enjoy their closing remarks!

Friday, October 01, 2004

Richard Avedon

Richard Avedon

The art world has lost another genius. Richard Avedon passed away today at the age of 81. No one name is more synonymous with fashion illustration then that of Richard Avedon. It is a great loss to the art community and society as a whole.

If I Had Known Then What I Know Now!!!

If I Had Known Then What I Know Now!!!

A few months ago, myself and several of my friends attended J Lo's lingerie launch party. My main reason for going was that Rachel had given me the heads up that she had invited Scott Speedman and for years now I had been confident that I was looking for my very own Ben Covington to be seduced by. The drinks were flowing and free, and like Nel Carter to fudge, I over indulged. In short, I was wasted, and all this by 9 PM! So as I wait for Scott Speedman to descend upon me (as I was sure he would), who should walk in but none other then Benjamin McKenzie. The excitement was at a fever pitch inside me and as he approached I did my best to play it cool, but like an A-Bomb I exploded with nuclear waste upon him when at last we were face to face (I have a tendency to say the worst thing to celebrities ever, like when I told Britney "I had a huge melon", although in the context of a hat, but I digress). Nothing was said, no eye contact was made, but let's just say plenty of physical contact was made, as in my hands to his junk (or at least that is what my observent friends have led me to believe, as at that point I could only focus with one eye open). I reversed into him like a mac truck when the beeping sound of their immenent reverse is made. Thanks to Elle magazine I am now priviledged with information that could have made our union more hopeful. Who would have thought my first attempt wouldn't have been successful.

ELLE:Nah, you're fine. Since you're single, how about some practical advice: What should women approaching you never say?
BM: I hate it when the first thing is “I love the show.” And it's annoying when women say derogatory stuff about the place you're at, like, “Oh, this place is so dead.” Well, then leave! Anything about the biz is a huge turnoff too, like, “Ugh, my manager told me not to come to this place.” [ed. notice he said nothing about disliking a girl backing her ass up into him?!]

ELLE:Comprehensive list. Anything you might actually respond to favorably?
BM: A political point of view is really sexy, especially in L.A. Women here are exotic and beautiful, but it's like you're in a zoo. You look around thinking, Wow, look at all those pretty animals, and then when one opens its mouth and speaks, you're like, Holy shit, the monkey's talking to me!

and here's the kicker:

ELLE:If you designed the perfect woman, who would she be?
BM: Physically, I really couldn't tell you other than I'd like her to be gorgeous. I'd like her to have the biting sarcasm and world-weariness of Janeane Garofalo. And Martha Stewart's talent for organization—my apartment's a mess.

Are you even kidding that he just described me to a T? Georgeous, check... bitterly funny, check... Martha-like skills, oh my god, check, check, check!!! I'm ready for round two!