Monday, January 31, 2005

Nice work to my friend Charles "Bald Rabbit" Davis for his spot on the CBS News this past Saturday. I have to admit Rabbit, it was difficult for me to understand what you were saying, not because you were speaking about Social Security reform or finance or something to do with something I know nothing about, but because you failed to do it in a rap. It's like if you don't toss in a beat box or start chiggity checking about Ace from the Real World I'm completely lost.

Thursday, January 27, 2005

Grass is definitely NOT greener on this side!

Grass is definitely NOT greener on this side!

I know, I know... it's been awhile. I've been on strike ever since I realized just how much better Rachel's life was than mine. Needless to say, it's TONS better. I say this as Rachel is on a flight back from Sundance where she has been all week (can you tell my teeth were clenched the entire time that was said). Rach has been kind enough to call and text me with various updates over the week, which has been all the better to help me create in my minds eye a rather thorough step-chart graphing the suckiness of my day versus hers.

Example: Rach texts me "Hey, I'm waiting for Adrien Grenier right now, he's so great"... while at this particular moment I had just practically choked to death on my Big League Chew after watching a movie projectionist belt out "Dancing in the Streets" on American Idol. 1-0 Rachel. Example 2: Rachel calls to tell me that Paul Walker is indeed the best looking man on earth, while Jeremy Piven might just be the coolest. What was I doing at this particular moment... thanking my lucky stars that my Mother wasn't the woman on this weeks "My Super Sweet 16" and celebrating my out of this world victorious score of 542 on my personal handheld Yahtzee (it truly was spectacular) and trying to gloat about it to Momo over text. Nevertheless... bump, set... 2-nothing Rachel. Tonight is Rachel's birthday and is being thrown by a series of well known promoters and PR agencies (of course none of this can start until she has returned from Sundance and finished her interview with MTV). My last birthday was filled with strangers and I almost drowned in a "swamp water", only cause I couldn't afford the "trash can". Spike.

I could go on all day like this, but that would depress me, and anyways I have an urgent memo to attend to detailing the ulcer on my bosses fathers ass! Duty calls!

*Check Rach out in this past weeks Entertainment Weekly!


Friday, January 21, 2005

Most Appropriate Quote of the Year!!!

Most Appropriate Quote of the Year!!!

Jon Stewart was able to express my anger better than I when commenting on Star “Behemoth” Jones-Reynolds feelings regarding her averting the Tsunami:

Star Jones: God truly blessed me. One month prior I was there.
Jon Stewart: God killed 160,ooo people just cause you weren’t there, that’s not his blessing. My guess is that that was an oversight! Seriously, how far up your own ass do you have to be? I was almost killed in the Kennedy assassination. 6 months before that I was in a convertible!

Also, did anyone else see the photo of Star “Run for Your Lives” Jones-Reynolds on her honeymoon in a bikini and coverup? My eyes still burn and even my unborn children will suffer nightmares from the memory!

Thursday, January 20, 2005

Tina! Come Get Some Ham!

Tina! Come Get Some Ham!

I've been bored all day... No, make that all week. But I just found something that has immensly lifted my spirits for the last hour. Behold the greatest waste of time!

"Oh... you're thinking of a Tigon. They're totally stupid and they reek like poo!"

*If you haven't seen "Napoleon Dynamite" yet, you are seriously missing out, as I vote this in my top 3 of all time films... what does this say about me?

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Mac & Cheese

Mac & Cheese

Because I pouted and called in sick yesterday to enjoy MLK day like EVERY SINGLE OTHER ONE OF MY PEERS (not to mention most everyone on the planet), I nearly missed Gothamist's post regarding New York Magazine's write up on Mac & Cheese around the city. For some reason or another I find that my friends and I often find ourselves debating the City's finest examples of Mac & Cheese an overabundance of times. My preferred Mac & Cheese is actually a family recipe of mine from the Berutti clan in New Jersey. Made with ziti, bechemel cream sauce and nutmeg it is not your standard fare, but hard to put down. Some of my NYC favorites include:

44th & X
Cafeteria
Hudson Cafeteria
Blue Smoke
Earl's
Good & Plenty
Cowgirl Hall of Fame
Chat & Chew (although this is low on my list)

Friday, January 14, 2005

If you're looking for something to do tonight, check out Jared and Demander at the Delancey Bar at 11 PM. If for nothing else to prove that once upon a time someone that hot had an interest in me. Wish him off (since I'm a shitty friend and taking off for the weekend) as Jared will be leaving after their show in Boston tomorrow for Sri Lanka to film a documentary.

This little ditty is entitled "Fat Boy Rap"... go get'em allstar!

It's Going to be a White Weekend!

It's Going to be a White Weekend!

I have very little initiative to write as of late while I am trapped in what can only be deemed as my third quarter-life crisis. Rather, I am spending my time reading Bernie and Co. (minus Maxwell of course)’s hysterical antics. I have a feeling that after this weekend I may have plenty to post.

I (along with Momo and JdeG) will be spending the weekend in Killington, Vermont with about a dozen or so boys, all of which are strangers. They have invited us to their chalet, which boasts 5 fireplaces and has been deemed a continuous “frat” scene. I am pretty much just excited to get in another weekend of skiing at a spot I have yet to try, but I fear my time mostly will be marked with perfecting my ping pong tosses arc, as I hear there is a built in Beirut (“Beer Pong”) table and my competitive nature when speaking of drinking games is unparalleled. It’s a strange thing when a weekend skiing* in Vermont promises a cheaper time then just staying home (*odds are I'd be skiing one way or another this weekend).

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

If anyone that knows me could provide me with answers towards how and when I know Jerry from "The Bachelorette", I would appreciate it (did one of my friends date him?). I know I am in art and this would be the most obvious answer but right about now I'm starting to walk in circles I'm so confused.

*Also, best "Bachelorette" moment in history last night when jar head took a nose dive at the rose ceremony.

Update: Thanks to Miss Doyle (aka Mary-Kate) I have solved the mystery. Jerry used to be the doorman at Harry Winston on Fifth Avenue several years ago, which I would pace back and forth by back when I worked on the best corner in the world 57th & Fifth (did I just admit to being a hooker?) and later on had a small role in Real World: Back to New York. God bless you Erica! I can now rest easy!

Monday, January 10, 2005

All in all I would say this was a solid weekend. Saturday's daydrinking fete played out nicely as noted by Bernie. With over 50 friends/acquaintances/enemies showing up, I almost made it a whole 24 hours with a drink in my hand, but fell short just shy by 5 hours. Not a bad effort. Awards go to the following:

MVP for Miles Traveled: I originally awarded this to my college chum Erica (aka MK) for traveling in from Hoboken only to leave several hours later for her weekly gig as barkeep back in the Jerse. But after careful consideration (and without knowing most of the facts) I believe Madhu Satayaranya deserves ample snaps. All I know is he arrived in a car and it was loaded with 250 beers.

MVP for Best Ensemble: Well this goes without saying that Bernie takes the cake on this one. Underneath his trench lay a pair of hush puppies, navy blue tights, smiley face joe boxers with a bling encrusted "Bernie" belt, and topped off with a sweat band. Only Bernie would have the foresight to bring a change of clothes, which he appropriately dawned before meeting up with Hushbubbles at Brass Monkey. It truly was night and day when I spotted him later in the evening.

MVP for Biggest Ego Boost: With an unexpected twist later in my evening at Bowery Bar I was greeted very nicely by a stranger asking me if I was Kiki. Thanks go to Jimmy for making me feel famous. My apologies if after 12 hours of drinking I appeared cross eyed and suffering from a stroke on one side of my face.

MVP for Best/Worst Idea: MoMo had the fantastic idea of making Saturday a game of "drink tally" in which you keep record on your body with black marks of drinks ingested. A fabulous idea throughout the night indeed, only to be the worst idea this morning when the words "I suck dick for a living" won't come off of visible areas prior to work.

Friday, January 07, 2005

Paging Dr. Green... Paging Dr. Green!

Paging Dr. Green... Paging Dr. Green!

Lulu just phoned this one in: Because Lulu's "story" is ahead of production schedule she occasionally is only suited up for 4 day work weeks (boo... hiss), so her and self-chosen unemployed Brendan have spent the day getting drunk at Bowlmor. Just as they were finishing off god knows what pitcher Anthony Edwards just walked up and asked them to "relinquish their lane to him and his children, STAT!" (ok... you caught me, he didn't say STAT!)

My usual Saturday "day-drinking" festivities now are with purpose. Manhattan Transfer has decided to use the weekly event as a location for the search of a new lackey. If you know me, then you know where these events will take place. MoMo, Lulu and I have set plans to saddle up to the bar no later than 1PM. As my lesbian softball coach use to say "go big or go home!"

Now I love The OC, unquestionably. With that said, does anyone think that they need to lay off the neverending supply of inside jokes? They topped off for me last night when Seth questioned how much he had actually puked in relation to "the girl from Sixth Sense" (the girl being played by none other then the less-effective-than-wood Mischa Barton)!

Thursday, January 06, 2005

Budge & Kiki

Budge & Kiki


Budge & I on the chairlift in Vail!


Wednesday, January 05, 2005

Upper Arlington

U-p-u-p-p-u-p-p-e-r-A-r-a-r-l-i-n-l-i-n-g-t-o-n...

U-p-u-p-p-u-p-p-e-r-A-r-a-r-l-i-n-l-i-n-g-t-o-n...

As I sat for what seemed like the 10th consecutive hour on hold with baggage claim, I came across this rather funny Encyclopedia definition of Kiki’s wonderful hometown, Upper Arlington (notice Tezzy, they in no uncertain terms reaffirm that you and I are better for growing up in Old Arlington, as opposed to those Northerners - - sorry Davey). I can’t believe this is a published definition of how we spent our youth, but how right it is...
Upper Arlington is bordered on the west by the Scioto River (immediately across which is Hilliard), on the north and east by Columbus, and on the south by Marble Cliff and Grandview Heights. The Olentangy River and the main campus of the Ohio State University are a short distance to the east of Upper Arlington. Downtown Columbus lies to the southeast.
Upper Arlington was founded by the real estate developers Ben and King Thompson, who purchased most of the farmland that was to become Upper Arlington from James Miller in 1913—a park and library in Upper Arlington still bear the Miller name (see no. 4 on the map). They originally wanted to call it the "Country Club District" after the Country Club development in Kansas City, but by 1917, the community became known as "Upper Arlington," in reference to its southern neighbor of Arlington (the name at the time of Marble Cliff).

The development proceeded according to the "Pitkin Plan," which called for curving streets copiously lined with trees rather than a gridded street layout. This development style gave the oldest district in Upper Arlington (at its southern-most end) its distinctively pleasant, park-like feel, though the lack of roadway predictability could lead to some frustrating driving experiences even for those familiar with the neighborhood.

In 1916, the development was interrupted (and largely undone) when the
National Guard used the area as a training camp, called Camp Willis, for 8,000 servicemen. Development resumed shortly afterwards, and in 1918, Upper Arlington incorporated as a village, with James Miller, the original landowner, serving as the first mayor. It became a city in 1941, and annexed surrounding land as its population grew.

As was typical in many developing northern communities of the time, the Thompsons included
restrictive covenants in their housing deeds that prevented African-Americans from purchasing homes in Upper Arlington (though the deeds were careful to point out that "colored servants" could still be employed). The effects of this practice have carried through to the present demographics of Upper Arlington, still almost exclusively populated by whites.
The post-
World War II housing boom led to the development of many new housing tracts in the northern half of Upper Arlington. The newer developments took on a much different character from the older core of the city, being mostly organized along normal street grids, and with the usually ranch-style houses being smaller and of cheaper construction than the historic stone and brick mini-mansions to the south. Many Upper Arlington residents sometimes refer to this area of Upper Arlington as "the golden ghetto", a joking reference to the comparatively lower quality yet still high property values. This part of Upper Arlington today is mostly populated by retirees and newly married couples.

(Tezzy, I’ve included some important figures in UA history in the above collage. I’d like an item by item relay of what you see - - Davey et al, feel free)!

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

Are You There Bag? It's Me Kiki!

Are You There Bag? It's Me Kiki!


Photo courtesy CityRag
I was 26th in line with an 86 minute wait. What happened you ask? I waited on hold for 1 hour, 20 minutes and 36 seconds when someone picked up the line, made a sound like a Wookey and hung up on my ass. This time around I'm 19th in line with a 46 minute wait. The odds I experiece the same results... I'd say strong... to quite strong.

How do things stand in the New Year?

-Wallet still missing
-Bank account closed (i.e. no access to money)
-Due to the above, rent check bounced
-Luggage still not located
-Received Jury Duty summons in the mail yesterday

2005 feels like it's going to be a really splendid year, doesn't it?!

Monday, January 03, 2005

Congratulations Paige & Derek!

Congratulations Paige & Derek!

(Alexis) Paige Showe & Derek Rogers are officially engaged, rounding out the total of my friends to be engaged to ummmm.... damn near all. I assume the two love birds will be getting hitched on the island of Honolulu where they and the rest of Paige's family resides. Congrats Pudge!!!
(above photo courtesy of Malama Realty)

In unrelated news: United and US Airways has just informed me that they "have no idea where my luggage is, but believe it is somewhere between Denver and Laguardia." Really Sherlock, you fucking think?!

Today is a sad day, as one of the greatest and coolest teachers around has passed away. Joe Conley was beloved at Upper Arlington, as well as the Irish community. Mr. Conley was in charge of media studies at UA and our television show "UA Alive" (which I had the pleasure of being the host), and was resident champion of the yearly staff hot dog eating contest. He made in impact on all that knew him and I know inspired many to follow their dreams. Davey is just one that can thank Mr. Conley for helping to push him towards a career at ABC. Mr. Conley will unquestionably be missed by all (Update: I have been told that although diagnosed with cancer last summer, Mr. Conley worked right up until Christmas break. This is true to form of this caring man).

Joseph John Conley, age 59, of Clintonville died Saturday, January 1, 2005 at The Ohio State University Medical Center. He was a graduate of Harvey High School in Painesville, OH (Class of 1964), and The Ohio State University. He had been a teacher at Upper Arlington High School for over 25 years, where he taught Mass Media and Television Production. He was a member and Past-President of the Shamrock Club of Columbus and the Upper Arlington Teachers' Association. Joe was also a member of Charity Newsies and the Harvey High School Red Raiders Hall of Fame. He is survived by his wife, Laura Conley; stepsons, Jake and Brett Vivyan; sister, Marcia Smith; brother, Thomas (Camille) Conley; nieces and nephews, Eileen and Michael (Elaine) Smith, Katie Johnston, Kevin (Holly) Smith, Megan (Andy) Lawson, Tim, Molly, Beth, Joseph (Kathleen) Conley; great nieces and nephew, Chelsea and Michaela Smith, Liam and Margaret Johnston, and Bridget Lawson. Friends may call from 2-4 and 6-8 p.m. Monday, January 3, 2005 at SCHOEDINGER NORTHWEST CHAPEL, 1740 Zollinger Road. A Memorial Mass will be celebrated at 10 a.m. Tuesday, January 4, 2005 at the Shamrock Club, 60 W. Castle Road. In lieu of flowers, those who wish may make contributions to Charity Newsies, 4300 Indianola Ave., Columbus, Ohio 43214 or the Shamrock Club, 60 W. Castle Road, Columbus, Ohio 43207 in his memory.

[Update: In honor of the late, great J.C. Momo has agreed to partake in some Crif Dogs and "Anchorman" with me. It shall be a most fitting tribute indeed!]

I Was Lost, But Now Am Found...

I Was Lost, But Now Am Found...

I would say I'm glad to be home, but that would be a complete lie. Yesterday was a day of trains, planes, and automobiles (literally). I was picked up by a Suburban at 5:30AM (it's the only type of vehicle that can reach without consequence the top of the mountain where my house was). When I had reached the bottom of my mountain, I was transfered to a van, which then drove me two hours to Denver.

I surprisingly had little difficulty boarding a plane without any source of identification. That really puts me at ease. After a nice relaxing cross country flight (in first class I might add), I had a connecting flight in the city of brotherly love which unfortunately was scheduled to leave before my arrival (genius planning on the part of my travel agent). I tried to figure out the difference between the time it would take to board the next flight to Laguardia and the time it would take to reach NYC via train. All this effort was uneccessary as thankfully, the crew was aware of our late arrival and waited for myself and the other gentlemen (who happened to be sitting next to me prior) to arrive before they took off.

This brings us to my arrival in New York. Wouldn't you know it, sans luggage. So now I am without wallet and the rest of my belongings as it were. Awesome. To say God was watching down on me is an understatement. Turns out the man I had been helping shuffle around all day was a priest who was greeted by none other then a nun in full habit who... stood 3 feet tall. Really helped to pick up my spirits. And as if that weren't enough, another little person went riding right in front of me in baggage claim on a tricycle. I'm not sure, but this all could have been a result of withdrawl!

Sunday, January 02, 2005

Last night I posed a survey: is it wrong for a 25 year old woman to be with a 17 year old boy? The responses: "I haven't had the pleasure of that yet" and "I think that's rape". What I got from this was a resounding amount of support, but I suppose it's open to interpretation. Just now Rob titled me "control freak", everyone seems to think it is extremly funny that I took this as a compliment.

"Y'all like pussay riiiought!!??" - Stripper to Bruce the Trillionaire (aka T Mitchell Dean)

Saturday, January 01, 2005

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year!

After an extremely early rise, followed by a wake and bake that I am pretty confident was 85% PCP (the dust if you will), I have become aware that I am officially without my wallet. Looks like I won't be leaving after all. Glad to see 2005 is starting off on a fitting note.