Kiki

Highest Honors

2005-12-05T15:26:00.000-05:00

Everyone knows as I've said many times that the only way to get into my good graces for life is to find your name splashed on Page Six. Above was a proud moment when a certain good Texan friend of mine was blind itemed in GateCrasher. However, today it was no blind item, but straight forward reporting that landed Rach once again on the Page Six pages:

December 5, 2005 -- "ENTOURAGE" star Adrien Grenier got busy with a "Power Girl" Wednesday night. Grenier was playing Wednesday with his band the Honey Brothers at a party at new club Gogo sponsored by Clairol and Dewer's, when Rachel Krupa walked in. Our sources say that after the show, Grenier — who had been smoking funny- smelling cigarettes with his band mates beforehand — sucked face with Krupa for hours. Not that he got very far — Krupa says she is very proudly still a virgin.

It should be said that no one bothered to confirm ANY of this with Rachel.

Girl of America

2005-11-01T16:46:00.000-05:00

As some of you may recall reading, way back when I shaped young minds when I was a church camp counselor... oh the hilarity. Well color me surprised when I read the name of my favorite camper ever, Elle Schneider, in Page Six today. I feel like a proud mother, as everyone knows I think there is no greater accomplishment than having your name in Page Six (right, Rach!).

*Elle can also be seen in a small, but strong roll as "Girl of America" in Deuce Bigelow.

"Ain't Life Grand"

2005-04-14T13:57:00.000-04:00

Thanks to the tenacity of my friend Hudson, I just managed to score tickets to tomorrows sold out show of Widespread Panic at Radio City Music Hall. Not just any tickets... 6th row, center!!! As the Puerto Ricans in my office would say... HOLLA!

Perfect Match

2005-04-08T15:18:00.000-04:00

Today is turning out to be a dichotomy of depression and humorous irony. It would be my ex-boyfriends birthday today, which already puts me in a quandary of the "do I/don't I" call that has inevitably happened every year up to this point, but seems long past overdue for dying. As if that weren't bad enough to keep my mind racing a mile an hour, my good friend Dodge is getting married tomorrow. Seeing as how he and I were each others "back ups" and now he's the first to get hitched, I'm feeling a tremendous sense of loss, as well as feeling as though I've been deliberately mislead. And to round out this trifecta, I just received an IM from my sister-in-law describing a friend of her and my brothers in Palm Beach that they (read: her only, as my brother will have none of it) just think would be perfect for me. She has described why we are perfect for each other in the following way: "He's 6'4" or taller, he has a place on the ocean, and makes big $$$$$$". I asked if he likes unemployed ladies with a penchant for Big Macs, to which she replied "he loves Big Macs!" So far so good I'm thinking, "did I mention he flys private jets to the Bahamas for gambling and loves midgets?" We're getting quite warm over on my end and then she finishes with the following line, "Titty bars, gambling, weed, coke... I am telling you, you are a perfect match!" Ummmm... Seriously, those last attributes are what my FAMILY is trying to set me up with? I'm doomed from the start!

2005-04-08T13:24:00.000-04:00

This Saturday, April 9th Demander plays a free show at Luna Lounge with Coastal Drag. Demander goes on at 9:30 PM. I highly recommend that all attend... if you know what's good for you!

Upload or give a listen to 3 of their songs! My favorite is "Love Life".

2005-04-07T14:19:00.000-04:00

Lulu has invited me to see Joan Jett with her this evening at Webster Hall. I'm seeing a "top of the charts 1980's" theme in my recent concert goings (i.e. Motley Crue). So I guess this will be my first official lesbian experience!?

Rachel, Rachel... LOOK OVER HERE!!!

2005-04-07T10:28:00.000-04:00

Courtesy WireImage

Technically, I've made it on WireImage. From last nights premiere of "Loverboy" at the GenArts Film Festival, I would be the one behind Rachel in the red dress. Job well done, Kikster!

2005-04-06T13:26:00.000-04:00

For my birthday several of us ladies (Rachel, Kelly, JdeG, Lulu, Court, and Laura) went to dinner. Thanks to the kindness of Eugene Remm we were also treated to an amazing rare tuna appetizer, 2 bottles of champagne, and about a bakers dozen of desserts, that after everyone's 11th or 12th drink were attacked ferociously. I'm surprised no one lost an eye. It was a great birthday this year... although I'd like to pretend it never happened.

Afterwards, Rach, Kelly, and I went to Butter where thanks to Richie, and once again Jamie (this time she managed to actually comment on her dog) Gleicher I was able to drink for free. And again, I had to sit thru banter regarding the beauty of being on an MTV reality show. Remind me when out with Rach and Kelly to avoid others in their secret reality club. But in all seriousness, Jamie and her friends were quite nice. Chance, I would like to thank for something else... enabling me - - resulting in me calling off work the following day (I blamed it on sushi) and probably giving a half ass attempt at a meeting with a photography art advisor that I was hoping to impress and charm the pants off. I did however, receive a book on my way out of the meeting, which felt more like a parting gift on The Price is Right then a symbol of a job well done. Chance supposedly has the hook up for the Sidekick, but wouldn't tell me where he managed to score the pink bumpers, which I will now spend every waking hour trying to locate. Upon the arrival of my favorite midget and celebrity I most like to imitate, Ashley Olsen, I realized I was only seeing straight when I closed my left eye and decided to call it a night. Thankfully I made it home in one piece, which is more then I can say for my debit card, which right now is making some thief very unhappy once they've realized I'm only good for $23.46.

Tonight Rachel and I are attending the GenArt premiere of "Loverboy" at the Ziegfeld Theater. I attended the wrap party what seems like over a year ago, so it will be interesting to see the final product. "Loverboy" is the directorial debut [ed. second time directing] for Kevin Bacon and stars Kyra Sedgwick, Matt Dillon, Marisa Tomei, [ed. Sandra Bullock] Campbell Scott, and Oliver Platt. I'm pretty much just hoping to get my Olsen impression captured on WireImage after I've tripped a minimum of 3 times down the red carpet.

2005-04-06T11:38:00.000-04:00

Birthday wishes sent from my Mom all the way from the Final Four...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! ... dread...

2005-04-04T10:52:00.000-04:00

Born today, you have grand aspirations and will work toward the big things throughout your lifetime. Driven to explore the world around you in great depth and detail, you will very likely travel extensively while young, and even during your later years until you have reason to settle down for good. One of those individuals who seems capable of doing anything the very first time, you enjoy jumping into new endeavors with great enthusiasm and determination -- unfortunately, without preparation far too often. As a result, you may encounter more than your share of danger in your lifetime.

You seem to be always looking out for the underdog no matter what else you may be doing at a given time. You will spend time and money to better the lives of those around you when you are given the opportunity to do so. You are quick to learn and quick to pass on lessons to others.

Today is a dark day. Doom has set in. For this is the day... dum, dum, DUM... I turn 26! Those that know me should be aware, I'm keeping a list of who's wished me a good one as of yet, and maybe someone wants to inform my parents, as neither have bothered to place a call on what should be the happiest and most memorable day of their lives. Anyway... thank you thus far to (in order - for future referece one should know this is how I rank future favors):

-Brandon (about a week early)
-Rand, my brother (9am)
-Flora, coworker (9am)
-David (9am)
-Laura (9:15am)
-Meagan (a girl I went to college with and have spoken to once since) (9:15am)
-Blake (9:15am)
-JdeG (9:22am)
-Rachel (9:30am)
-Momo (9:52am)
-Geary (10:07am)
-Roni (10:15am)
-Courtney (10:20am)
-Davey (10:21am)
-Bridget (10:21am)
-Leslie (10:22am)
-Einhorn/Finkle (10:36am)
-Geiszler (10:52am)
-Jon (10:53am)
-Amber (11:07am)
-Dad (11:17am)
-Kelley Miller (11:19am)
-Mom (11:32am)
-Ellen (11:33am)
-Bernie (11:47am)
-Johnny (2:00pm)
-Kelly Brady (3:00pm)
-Nirex (3:02pm)

And in case anyone has put off purchasing me their gift (as if), I'll include a few things from my registery that I've deemed necessary:

-Creme de la Mer
-Gift certificates to Suzette Sundae, Screaming Mimi's, Sephora, and Housing Works
-Lasik eye surgery
-Unlimited purchasing acess to Ebay
-Shares of stock in Botox

Too many people spend money they haven't earned to buy things they don't want to impress people they don't like. - Will Rogers

PoweR Girls Unite!

2005-04-01T15:38:00.000-05:00

Given my close relationship with Rachel, I am privy to many a deep and intellectual conversation on a day to day basis. Take for instance while enjoying a cheese platter brought by her mother all the way from Pinconning we discussed how Rachel believes that duck tape is a suitable way to fix a side mirror that has mysteriously been knocked off the same day as the car was purchased. Or the time when discussing a possible heart attack, Rachel described it as her heart on the right side. The last few weeks have given me pleasure every Thursday when I get to tune in and watch events I've either already been a witness to or ones I wasn't cool enough to attend in the first place (turns out I am most definitely a nobody, and I own not a single suitable article of white clothing)! I can say from what I've seen of PoweR Girls thus far, it is pretty true to the characters as I know them. I've seen Kelly and Rachel "hump dance" on several occasions, but this only when there is no room to dance on top of a banquet or bar. I was lucky enough to be on the other end of the phone when Rachel had an all out panic attack and believed that in fact medically her "blood was actually boiling". I've witnessed stressed moments, drunk moments, bitchy moments, fun moments, bossy moments, and party moments numbering in the dozens. What I have yet to witness and had zero idea about is the fact that you "can indeed go topless at the Sky Bar Pool" as Kelly was kind enough to inform me just now via my Sidekick. Like I said, true to their character people! God bless them!

I'm interested to hear your thoughts... do tell!

2005-04-01T15:15:00.000-05:00

A friend of mine who has been mentioned countless times on this blog just said to me:

"Terry Schiavo has single handedly turned me off against bulemia!"

Pointdexter on the violin...

2005-03-30T14:00:00.000-05:00

This past weekend was a busy one for me. I flew home to Ohio after a long and boring work day on Friday, attended my Aunts funeral on Saturday, and celebrated Easter on Sunday. The following are what I rank as the top 5 quotes coming from this past weekend:

1. "You know who doesn't do drugs?... NERRRRRDDDSSS!"
- T. Mitch

2. "Did anybody see that lady with the oxygen tank? I thought we were about to get a two for one!"
- My second cousin, Dustin, at the funeral. He delivered the eulogy as well. Touching.

3. "Fabrice called, he wants his marbles back!"
- Kiki in reference to someone acting psycho.

4. "... And this must be Carolyn!"
- Great Uncle "Grinny" to Kiki. Mind you, my aunt Carolyn is 62... I'm just shy of 26. I'm quitting smoking immediately.

5. "Pretty soon people are going to start calling me 'Schiavo', cause somebody should remove my feeding tube for God's sake!"
- One drunk Budge, in reference to possible weight gain.

Just to press home the point that my family and friends are highly disturbed, behold the following IM I received yesterday from my sister-in-law, Erica and my brother, Rand:

Erica: Hey Kiki, wanted to let you know we partied with a down syndrome girl on Easter. She was wearing a pink, furry Von Dutch hat that looked like cotton candy. She was also drinking St. Paulie girl. We tried to take pics with the phone, but they did not come out so good. Rand claims "it is illegal to serve retards". His words.
Kiki: You both are going to hell!
Erica: Not before you!
Erica: She was 4'6" and at least 150 lbs and it was at a beach bar ( Ed. they live in Palm Beach).
Rand: That was Erica previously.
Rand: The Rand does not typically write in the third person!
Rand: "Cocaine's a helluva drug." - Ric James
Kiki: Wonder if he still feels that way, now that he's superfreaking with Satan!
Rand: Are you kidding? He's dancing in fields of coke right now!
Kiki: Speaking of which you should hear the quote T. Mitch said this weekend (insert above quote)
Rand: As Ogre said in ROTN...
Rand: NERDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm surprised it's not illegal to serve my brother and I!

Australia Always Has the Finest Exports

2005-03-25T12:00:00.000-05:00

Last night I went to see Jared and his band Demander at The Delancey. And had the pleasure of seeing Starky as well. For myself I found hints of The Cure in their style, but according to their website this Australian clan best describes themselves and their style in the following:

Drunken journalists, stuck in a rut day-jobbers, council estate big mouths and life-serving gaol birds. School ties, hand-knitted rainbow ponchos and fingerless gloves.

It's subject matter not normally addressed by your average rock'n'roll combo but that's part of what makes Starky so appealing. Never content with relying on cliché the band marries melody and urgency to create a sound all their own and a record worthy of one of the years finest.

'Mirror, Signal, Manoeuvre' is Starky's debut album and was produced by Australian punk rock legend and Radio Birdman frontguy Rob Younger and co-produced, engineered and mixed by Wayne Connolly (You Am I, Silverchair, The Vines etc). It was recorded in just nine days and captures the excitement and energy the band is known for creating live.

I recommend adding them to your collection if you haven't already.

Career Musical Chairs

2005-03-24T16:09:00.000-05:00

My current occupation of the week now gives me the title of "Leasing Specialist", which is odd, since not only have I been an Art Dealer since about sixth grade, but I haven't paid my own rent in as long a time. I expected to make this jump as a helpful gesture towards my now former boss for a period not extending a months time. And in the four days that I've officially been a "Leasing Specialist", I can see quite a few things that make my day enjoyable.

First and foremost is the aspect of being a voyeur. Not only do I have the pleasure of knowing what little you want to tell me, but I also get the joy of looking up your credit, which surprisingly tells one much about your history, and in turn whether or not your a liar. I've been too frightened to look up my own, being quite certain it's far worse than anything that's come my way thus far. Just take the 29 year old lawyer for example that I researched yesterday. Who knew that someone making six figures would feel the need to not only shop at Fashion Bug, but to enroll for a credit card? Another fine time had yesterday was when doing some "independent research" on a model/actor, I found several images of the stud on IcyHotHunks.com and TestosteroneNation.com. I granted the apartment on the size of his boobs alone. I'm also aware of the Psychotherapist that apparently began dating his neighbor (whom is just shy of 18 years younger than he), only to divorce his wife in the past few months and now taking up a new habitat with the lawyer. This stuff is as good as any programming I've saved on DVR.

Of course the amount of cursing that registers through my head per second is astronomical. Knowing just how many people on average were born in the 80's and procuring a heftier salary (or any at all) compared to myself puts things nice and tight into the old perspective pile. Overall the best part of the job, is through all this knowledge, I've managed to figure out a nice long list of possible suitors, and have enough knowledge to not only afford several columns for a spreadsheet, but now am able to rightly use these towards a possible ranking! Let the research continue!

Update: OK, this just in, a chick that works at fucking Glamour Shots at the Queens Mall makes more than me, and I'm guessing a good number of you! Peace be with me!

2005-03-24T13:34:00.000-05:00

Come see Jared and Demander tonight at the Delancey at 10PM!

Kiki's About to Hulk Out!

2005-03-18T17:00:00.000-05:00

I've been told by several people in my life that I am the happiest "fired" person they know. Given my string of "down-on-your-luck" events lately, I'm shocked that I still present myself this way. I've informed my friends and my Mother alike that when they least expect it, and likely very soon, I'm going to snap. I'm not positive, but I think all the signs are there that this just may come to fruition verry soon (and no I did not spell that wrong like my last boyfriend always did, but rather was trying to be emphatic, just as my Mom had supposed he was in his thank you notes to her).

As you all know I am currently training my replacement and it has given me a well to draw from over here. On Wednesday coworkers at my going away ("or is she?") party tried to make a top three list of who might just go postal at the office. Oddly, I was not mentioned, but rather the three usual suspects of the creepy long haired pervert man, the quiet oversized jean shirt wearing lady, and the hardly lingual mail cart pusher topped the list out. But I'm pretty sure I'm about to crack. I'm on my fifth day here teaching this woman, who I assume has had 20 more years of work experience than I, how to do my job... but yet, we're still working on the 2 page set of art notes that I dictated to her on Monday. So basically, typing isn't in the skill sets. The speed at which she is currently working is enough to make me go ape shit all over the office. In fact, I've taken up emailing others in the office from my sidekick to ensure that I don't blow my top. And as if that weren't bad enough she at one point asked me “whatever is that noise” in reference to the incoming mail noise on my sidekick. I’m pretty sure I’ve got her ready to kick the can and am able to say with certainty at this late hour in the day she’s definitely pondered the thought of quitting more than a few times.

I’ve had a rough week of drinking on this end and last night was no exception. Rachel, Kelly, and I went to Patrick McMullen’s St. Patrick’s Day party and later to a viewing party for the newest episode of their show. Free champagne once again (which turns out to is my kryptonite) has kept me out much longer on average then I should. My replacement, whom we’ll call Mary Ellen (cause that’s what her parents call her) is trying to go tête a tête with Kiki over here and I’m pretty sure I can guarantee she’ll lose. I believe at some point it must get frustrating for her to have me constantly say “no” and “you made another mistake” while peering over her shoulder all day rolling my eyes (this is where I point out I did happen to receive a write-in vote in high school superlatives for “girl most likely to roll her eyes at you”). All the same, I don’t think it is necessary for me to have to repeat myself. I can only keep my cool for so long and 5 days seems to be my limit. Earlier today I was commenting on noticing my first major wrinkle, and as you can imagine it is not the typical crows feet which come from excessive smiling I hear, but rather between my eyes, which I believe is mapped by scowling quite often. Seems true enough. She then informed me that I should pack on the moisturizer cause she can tell I have dry skin and that it must be dehydrated. First of all, I don’t recall asking for beauty advice from the marm in the knee length blazer, but I kept it simple and informed her that “I think it might have more to do with the liter of vodka I ingested over the past 12 hours”. That seemed to shut her up. But as if that weren’t bad enough, I couldn’t keep my annoyed nature under wraps when we neared the afternoon. She commented to me “do you smell like… food?” To which I replied “I smell food, but do I smell like food? No.” Well as you can imagine Mary Ellen didn’t take too kindly to my serious reply. Excuse me for taking your valley girl speech pattern literal. She informed me that I should respect my elders and that apparently I missed that lesson. Thanks for the observation, perhaps I can allow you one…

Thankfully, tomorrow is the birthday party for myself and Lulu, or “Kikifest 2005” as Bernie has brilliantly renamed it. I’ve taken stock so far from the registry I put out to thoughtfully suggest ideas for presents (I just want to make others lives easier, really) and so far I’m aware that I will be receiving one top shelf vibrator. So one way or another I can be certain tomorrow’s going to end on a good note, if not a falsetto one!

2005-03-16T15:28:00.000-05:00

Rachel, Momo, Kiki

Gandolf's the New Sofia Coppola!

2005-03-16T13:34:00.000-05:00

My very own personal Gandolf, Robin, has managed to go and get herself photographed for the Marc Jacobs website (click on the "LA"). My favorite part of this feat is that it manages to mention her by name as the LA stores very first buyer (never did I doubt). Even funnier, this morning when I reread our IM's from last night on my Sidekick I noticed that I drunkenly demanded her to choose at once which is better "Marc Jacobs in Petunia or Marc Jacobs in Cherry Blossom?" I really do know the pressing issues we face today!

PS. I've observed Robin, that you reverted back to spelling your name with a "y" just like in middle school! Excellent decision!

Have You Seen This Woman?

2005-03-15T01:49:00.000-05:00

I know I have been MIA for a bit, but I was busy all last week serving my civic duty (i.e. bending others to my will). My practice for world domination went just as planned and I had others changing their minds to stand by me in a matter of minutes. I believe it was my "poke the bear" theory in reference to the defendants actions that eventually won them all over.

This week I find myself training my newest replacement and have internally gone apeshit on several occasions. As Momo can attest, my irritation level hits all time highs quite easily, so just the thought, let alone the action, of having to repeat myself sets me off. I SAID... the thought of repeating myself... anyways.

I have been busy riding Rachel's coattails and enjoying the good life that MTV provides their whores... hee hum, excuse me, talent (just kidding Rach). I have to admit that I rather enjoyed the first episode. It may be just because I had the pleasure of watching it with Rachel, Kelly, Ali, and Millie and get to first hand laugh at the actions that I found it so enjoyable, who knows.

(Warning, warning: You may experience name dropping) This past weekend Rachel and I had a nice time, I even got to witness a secret club meeting of MTV reality stars as Jamie "sure-it's-normal-for-my-dog-to-hump-my-leg-like-this" Gleicher stopped Rachel and I after we left Bungalow 8. I would like to point out that she managed to mention to the two of us that she was "just on her way to meet Mary-Kate"... of course you are! We polished off, I believe half a dozen bottles of grey goose at NA where I factually became best friends with the fabulous Alexandra Richards. Later, thanks to my favorite toe headed footballer, Mr. Jeremy Shockey, I got to enjoy the pleasures of drinking Cristal all night at Marquee (although I believe more ended up on the front of my shirt then anywhere else), just narrowly managing to avoid accompanying he and his friends to Scores in the early morning hours.

This coming Saturday LuLu and I are throwing a joint birthday party for ourselves (as if there is any other way), where I have challenged anyone and everyone to try and beat me at Beirut (I've spent many an hour perfecting the art of the arch)!

All in all, my life as of recent has been a little bitter and a lot of sweet!

It's a Girl!!!

2005-03-03T12:19:00.000-05:00

One would think that with all the uncertainty in my life right now I would be clouded by a string of bad days. One after another. But alas, this is so not the case. I think I must choose to be happy or something, cause on more than one occasion I’ve been told as of late that I’m the happiest fired person they’ve ever seen. I can’t say for certain why this is, but I have a theory. I told someone recently that shopping was my Prozac. Today feels as though I took an unregulated amount of Prozac. The reason can be summed up in this birth announcement I sent to my friends:

I just wanted to share with everyone that I am in possession of one beautiful Balenciaga bag. It is the most glorious possession I have ever owned. It feels great, it looks great, and it smells like heaven. It was worth every penny and I would do it again! As I told Momo, I will carry it on my arm proudly when I meet my landlords for a future civil suit!

May you all find the kind of happiness I’m experiencing in your life some day!

My happiness was truly at fever pitch this morning and as I ran around my office (yes still drudging away here) to show others my newborn, my heart was beating at an exaggerated pace and at one point I not only started to well up with happiness, but my brow began to sweat. Thanks to a certain fella that I will be accompanying to the Motely Crue Reunion Tour this evening I will be able to show my baby around on her first night in her new home. This might end up being one of the best days I’ve ever known!

Now Let's Go To Rachel Champion...

2005-02-25T14:47:00.000-05:00

Something came to my attention when I read Rachel's profile on MTV and I needed it to be addressed immediately, so I beamed a message to Rach on her sidekick out in L.A.:

Kiki: I just read your profile on MTV... you wanted to be a weather girl??????????????
Rachel: Yep
Rachel: Like Hilary on Fresh Prince
Rachel: And do Playboy
Kiki: Well, you've at least gotten down to your undies
Kiki: and... it's partly sunny!

Professional Mustache Rider

2005-02-25T11:09:00.000-05:00

The following email was actually sent out from the desk of Kiki just moments ago in reference to a job involving mustache archiving for an upcoming film:

Jason,
As quite possibly the only woman out there to express interest in helping, I’d like to offer up my services. I’m not sure if this is a “males only” kind of club, but I think the concept is brilliant and have an excess of time on my hands as it were. I work in the art field, so I think I might have an advantage of appreciating the conceptual and aesthetic nature of a mustache far greater then just anybody. If you are still looking for someone to assist you with archiving images, please let me know. If not, best of luck and I’ll look forward to seeing your finished project!
Kiki

Later when I protested Momo's request to post this due to my fear others would find interest and therefore present themselves as my competition, Momo responded "Don't worry Kiki, I don't think people will actually be gunning for this!" I sure hope she's right!

Thanks G-UNIT!

2005-02-25T09:38:00.000-05:00

My Friday has begun just as it should. I just received an email from Momo containing the above photo and a message forwarded on from her Father (who've I've had the dare I say... pleasure of meeting but once) saying, "Make sure Kiki sees this. I think she will really appreciate it". It's always good to know that your first impression was not only a lasting one, but a correct one!

I Always Knew, O Brew!

2005-02-24T12:40:00.000-05:00

Ohio University is back in the top 5 for party schools according to the Princeton Review:

"Ohio University is the perfect mixture of business with pleasure," students tell us, adding, "We get the work done on the weekdays so we can party hard on the weekends." Most agree that OU is "a rip-roaring good-time party school." Much of OU social life involves the "19 bars along a two-block stretch of the main drag in town. Each bar has its own personality, and people can always be found at their favorite, so it is easy to meet up with acquaintances because they will probably always be at the same bar." Of course, you have to be 21 to get into a bar, so "for the first two years you're here, house parties rule." The exceptions are the Homecoming and Halloween events, both of which are huge, well-loved celebrations."

I personally believe that was a weak sell compared to my personal experience at OU and I'm shocked that they didn't at least break the top 10 for "Reefer Madness". They must have only interviewed the nerds on the West Green. All the same, congratulations to my fellow Bobcats on a job well done. May years of fellow collegiates carry on the debauchery their forefathers (like Paul Newman, Matt Lauer, and Richard Dean Anderson) sought before them.

Other placing's for Ohio University:
#7 "Lots of Beer"
#18 "Their Students (Almost) Never Study
#20 "Major Frat/Sorority Scene"
#20 "Happy Students"

They Sure Gave Me My Space!

2005-02-24T11:48:00.000-05:00

Tonight is the opening of my friends and former coworkers yearly show at Phillips, de Pury & Co. Although they decided they no longer have the need for Impressionist and Modern works in their auction house (herego one particular underpaid member of this Specialist Department) I still love the art handlers and suggest all come and check out their wonderfully appreciated work!

This Little Light of Mine...

2005-02-23T16:56:00.000-05:00

A close personal friend of Kiki's wasn't born into any sort of religion. In fact, to say her family fears it in a way would be very accurate as I once heard her describe the Lord's Prayer as "that chant thingy". I've found myself today in one of the funnier conversations ever existed with said friend, or anybody for that matter. Perhaps they came for my knowledge after I was caught drunk this weekend singing "The animals they came on, they came on by twosies, twosies..." to back up that unicorns at one point were real, only to become extinct by an error of Noah's:

Friend #1: Thank God she was a Jew (no pun intended)!
(At this point I am assuming she believes Jesus and God to be one in the same)
Kiki: Religious Lesson for the Day: Jews believe in God. Jews do not believe that Jesus was the son of God. Jesus was a Jew.

(I have also at this point called in reinforcements for entertainment sharing)
Friend #2: I bet she thinks "Moses" is their God!
Kiki to Friend #2: Like Allah!
Friend #2 to Kiki: Exactly!

(Back to Kiki and Friend #1)
Friend #1: Wow... that's very interesting. Jesus was a Jew. The things I never knew. So who are they to say who's the son of who?! Stupid people.
(Friend #2 has peed her pants after my passing on of the above quote)
Kiki: The Romans came into Israel and crucified Jesus (on his own turf nonetheless), which is odd since their church is one in the same that believes he was who he says he was.
Friend #1: Why don't the Romans mind their own business? Crazy fools! Who's dumb enough to kill God's son anyways. Sheeesh!
(It's at this point that I really start to debate going deeper with this conversation, but she interrupts me with a plethora more of her thoughts)
Friend #1: Well, it's the truth. Isn't this why the wise men were created... to tell those Roman fucks how stupid they are? I should've been a wise woman. I would have changed the world. I would've been the only one smart enough to tell people that murdering God's kin was NOT a good idea! (Certain comments retracted to save humanity) Long live the Christmas Tree!
Friend #1 (She now can't get enough): ... And an allelujia and an amen!
(I at this point became engrossed in work, which prompted the following):
Friend #1: Hello, did I scare you... why are you ignoring me?!
Kiki: No, sorry, I was currently trying to work up a Rider.
Friend #1: A rider???
Kiki: Moving on from church to state... Legal lesson for the day:
A "Rider" is a legal document or schedule pertaining to a contract as an insert of sorts. It typically details conditions and requirements.

(At this point, Friend #1 is so proud of herself that she has forwarded our conversation on to Friend #3 who returns with an email to the two of us)
Friend #3: Although wise ones, the Jews believed in Jesus, just not as the son of God...
Kiki: Correct you are [name retracted]! I give you a Gold Star for the day... but not of the 6 pointed variety! Ba dum dum CHING!
Friend #3: Huh?
Kiki: The Star of David... you two need some help!
Friend #1: Well I if I don't know about Jesus, I definitely don't know this guy, David!

Gunz Up!

2005-02-23T10:59:00.000-05:00

My own personal "Gandolph" from L.A. is flying in this evening for a visit with yours truly. The one and only Robin is gracing me with her presence and once again I'm left to wonder/anticipate my fate for the next four days. I expect to end up in either the tundra of Novia Scotia or bareback in Guadelajara. These are not certainities, not in the sense that I am positive I will watch endless hours of the Gotti family, brand myself with another tattoo, and take in several friends art shows over the course of the next four days. I simply cannot wait for my favorite self-described "baller" to arrive!

Also, check out Rachel tonight on The Insider with Moostache O'Brien!

Seperated at Birth!

2005-02-18T15:53:00.000-05:00

[crosswalk courtesy of Gawker, photo of JdeG... courtesy of every photo she takes]

Girl's Just Wanna...

2005-02-18T12:49:00.000-05:00

Like a typical girl, when things aren't quite as they should be, I run head on into changing my appearance. I got my haircut last night and next week my favorite visting baller from LA, Robin and I are scheduled for more tat's. But this time I may just have gone too far. It’s time for an intervention!

My impending unemployment (as I am still currently working indefinitely) is having an adverse effect on me and I cannot stop buying things. It is widely known that someday I would like to own my own thrift store, that’s of course if my aspirations to become the most successful Madame in the new millennium don’t pan out. So I’ve now officially spent more money on threads from years past then one should… especially one about to claim unemployment. And if that weren’t bad enough, I’ve now talked myself into purchasing not just the oversized Gucci hobo bag that I had been eyeing for some time, but decided I deserved the Rolls Royce of arm wear in a Balenciaga motorcycle bag as well. I’m claiming it as a birth right. I feel like a junky. I’m on this incredible high right now, happy and content. Nothing can stop me. But I know, buyer’s remorse that it is, soon… very soon… I will come to regret this act of stupidity. Perhaps the guilt and remorse won’t actually surface until I find myself shoving all my shit into the Gooch and Balenci as carry-on’s on my way back to Ohio to live with my mom cause I can no longer afford this damn city!

PS. Don't forget about Bernie's festivities this evening... sure to be a good time!

Viva la Rachel!

2005-02-09T13:48:00.000-05:00

I feel like a proud Mother the first time their little girl gets shot in her undies for a national magazine! Rachel has officially set the bar pretty high for the race to declare who is my hottest friend!

[photo courtesty STUFF mag]

2005-02-09T11:11:00.000-05:00

My mom always said it was good to set goals and with this latest turn of events in my life, I’ve found something to focus on. Thanks to Bernie, I’ve been able to scientifically identify my level of sluttiness. I’ve weighed in at a dismal and paltry 58%! What a joke! It’s clearly my lack of anal that’s put me in pre-K on this one. I now know it’s time to bear down so to speak and focus my energy on the goal at hand. Well... I best be off, I’ve made steps to rectify this embarrassment and have an appointment to suck off the Puerto Rican mail guy in the paper closet!

Things to do Today:

2005-02-08T16:35:00.000-05:00

Seek out this man, Gene Lyons, over at the Blytheville (I didn't know either) Courier and punish him for his harsh words towards my friend Charles "Bald Rabbit" Davis and his appearance on CBS News last week. That of course will all take place after I've stopped laughing my ass off! Mr. Lyons says of my friend and favorite part time rapper:

I recently saw some puppy on CBS News boasting about his investment acumen. Mr. Confident Investor was 27. I couldn't help noticing that he looked like the "before" half of a Hair Club for Men commercial.

BURNNNNN!!!! Your turn... What you got Rabbit? Check, check...

[read the entire cat fight here]

2005-02-08T15:55:00.000-05:00

If you were unexpectedly surrounded by a shit storm and faced with the dilemma of changing your life immediately, how does one come across their best suited options? Cause right now I have no fucking clue. I keep catching myself relaxed and excited that soon I will no longer have a job and forgetting that that also means I soon will have no money as well. My mom has consistently asked me what I think my next step will be. As I see it my options are three fold: continue on with the plan of possibly attending Columbia grad school in the fall (assuming they’d even have the likes of me), take up a teaching fellowship for very little pay but all the while getting to enjoy my summers, or roundhouse kick that post war contemporary gallery that called me out of the blue this morning regarding a position. All of these seem like responsible and well thought out options. The problem is… I pretty much want to do ABSOLUTELY nothing - - especially with summer just around the corner. My head is dancing right now, not with visions of sugarplums, but with butt loads of margaritas just after I’ve wiped the sleep out from my eyes on a crisp, warm Indian summer day. I hear the words “letting go” and dance with excitement that I can spend countless daylight hours traipsing through New York’s thrift stores, searching for just the right clutch, bolero, or 1970’s JC Penny’s secretarial inspired dress, all the while buzzing with the fancy that tequila causes one when the suns still up. Does that sound like a plan that requires some looking into to anyone else?

God's Got My Number Apparently!

2005-02-07T09:36:00.000-05:00

So not only did I get fired on Friday... which I'm quite psyched about... but upon my return home from work that day, after checking my mailbox, I received... fucking jury duty! This has to be some sort of joke! I am now currently looking into two possible career moves a) realizing my dream to become the most successful Madame or b) a kept woman. Now accepting applications!

UPDATE: I'm not sure exactly what I'm putting out there in the universe, but my Mother just called me to inform me that my Aunt has passed away this morning. I'm going to offer those that know me a bit of advice... stay as far away from me as possible. Jeez! I'm buying a lottery ticket and a bakers dozen of those "scratchers" after work. Pretty sure it's time we got a little balance back up in here!

"You're No Longer the Right Fit"

2005-02-04T13:04:00.000-05:00

Well, I knew I should have stayed as far away from Bernie as I could last week, but in his own words "it's like a disease going around", as I have been all sorts of canned!

I would like to think this frees up my schedule, but alas... no, I've been told they need me to stick around for a few weeks to show others how to do my job. Ohhh, the irony of being told you can't do your job and then wanting you to show others how it's done. On a pleasant note, I made my boss cry with regret as he told me how "pleasant" I was to be around. I can leave (or rather not leave as it were) on a happy note knowing this.

This leads us to my weekend plans. They now include (as they always did): UPDATE: Margaritas at lunch, Beer, Vodka, Vodka, MT's Birthday, Something strong without a name, Vodka, The Pot (this would account for my pleasantness), Vodka, Vodka, and Vodka (this extra one is for the pink slip).

Update: I've asked LuLu if my sudden good mood (think a chimpanzee spazzing out in a locked cage) is evidence to support that I am in fact bipolar. Her reply: Nope, just an alcoholic. I love my friends!

PoweR Girls

2005-02-02T13:53:00.000-05:00

The PR is about to be in full force for a show about... well... PR. Rachel's profile has finally hit the MTV website! Next up is the layout for Stuff Magazine.

Check out the other profiles of the ladies, including Lizzie, Miss Kelly, Millie, and Ali!

Update: The official page for PoweR Girls is up and running over at MTV. Now Momo, The Wej, and yours truly are mentioned on Rachel's profile. I feel like such a star!

Things That Make Me Sad: Example 1

2005-02-01T16:59:00.000-05:00

I guess it's safe to say there's no more Jonz in my Bonz...

2005-01-31T16:54:00.000-05:00

Nice work to my friend Charles "Bald Rabbit" Davis for his spot on the CBS News this past Saturday. I have to admit Rabbit, it was difficult for me to understand what you were saying, not because you were speaking about Social Security reform or finance or something to do with something I know nothing about, but because you failed to do it in a rap. It's like if you don't toss in a beat box or start chiggity checking about Ace from the Real World I'm completely lost.

Grass is definitely NOT greener on this side!

2005-01-27T14:35:00.000-05:00

I know, I know... it's been awhile. I've been on strike ever since I realized just how much better Rachel's life was than mine. Needless to say, it's TONS better. I say this as Rachel is on a flight back from Sundance where she has been all week (can you tell my teeth were clenched the entire time that was said). Rach has been kind enough to call and text me with various updates over the week, which has been all the better to help me create in my minds eye a rather thorough step-chart graphing the suckiness of my day versus hers.

Example: Rach texts me "Hey, I'm waiting for Adrien Grenier right now, he's so great"... while at this particular moment I had just practically choked to death on my Big League Chew after watching a movie projectionist belt out "Dancing in the Streets" on American Idol. 1-0 Rachel. Example 2: Rachel calls to tell me that Paul Walker is indeed the best looking man on earth, while Jeremy Piven might just be the coolest. What was I doing at this particular moment... thanking my lucky stars that my Mother wasn't the woman on this weeks "My Super Sweet 16" and celebrating my out of this world victorious score of 542 on my personal handheld Yahtzee (it truly was spectacular) and trying to gloat about it to Momo over text. Nevertheless... bump, set... 2-nothing Rachel. Tonight is Rachel's birthday and is being thrown by a series of well known promoters and PR agencies (of course none of this can start until she has returned from Sundance and finished her interview with MTV). My last birthday was filled with strangers and I almost drowned in a "swamp water", only cause I couldn't afford the "trash can". Spike.

I could go on all day like this, but that would depress me, and anyways I have an urgent memo to attend to detailing the ulcer on my bosses fathers ass! Duty calls!

*Check Rach out in this past weeks Entertainment Weekly!

Most Appropriate Quote of the Year!!!

2005-01-21T11:48:00.000-05:00

Jon Stewart was able to express my anger better than I when commenting on Star “Behemoth” Jones-Reynolds feelings regarding her averting the Tsunami:

Star Jones: God truly blessed me. One month prior I was there.
Jon Stewart: God killed 160,ooo people just cause you weren’t there, that’s not his blessing. My guess is that that was an oversight! Seriously, how far up your own ass do you have to be? I was almost killed in the Kennedy assassination. 6 months before that I was in a convertible!

Also, did anyone else see the photo of Star “Run for Your Lives” Jones-Reynolds on her honeymoon in a bikini and coverup? My eyes still burn and even my unborn children will suffer nightmares from the memory!

Tina! Come Get Some Ham!

2005-01-20T15:55:00.000-05:00

I've been bored all day... No, make that all week. But I just found something that has immensly lifted my spirits for the last hour. Behold the greatest waste of time!

"Oh... you're thinking of a Tigon. They're totally stupid and they reek like poo!"

*If you haven't seen "Napoleon Dynamite" yet, you are seriously missing out, as I vote this in my top 3 of all time films... what does this say about me?

Mac & Cheese

2005-01-18T15:50:00.000-05:00

Because I pouted and called in sick yesterday to enjoy MLK day like EVERY SINGLE OTHER ONE OF MY PEERS (not to mention most everyone on the planet), I nearly missed Gothamist's post regarding New York Magazine's write up on Mac & Cheese around the city. For some reason or another I find that my friends and I often find ourselves debating the City's finest examples of Mac & Cheese an overabundance of times. My preferred Mac & Cheese is actually a family recipe of mine from the Berutti clan in New Jersey. Made with ziti, bechemel cream sauce and nutmeg it is not your standard fare, but hard to put down. Some of my NYC favorites include:

44th & X
Cafeteria
Hudson Cafeteria
Blue Smoke
Earl's
Good & Plenty
Cowgirl Hall of Fame
Chat & Chew (although this is low on my list)

2005-01-14T13:50:00.000-05:00

If you're looking for something to do tonight, check out Jared and Demander at the Delancey Bar at 11 PM. If for nothing else to prove that once upon a time someone that hot had an interest in me. Wish him off (since I'm a shitty friend and taking off for the weekend) as Jared will be leaving after their show in Boston tomorrow for Sri Lanka to film a documentary.

2005-01-14T13:22:00.000-05:00

This little ditty is entitled "Fat Boy Rap"... go get'em allstar!

It's Going to be a White Weekend!

2005-01-14T13:17:00.000-05:00

I have very little initiative to write as of late while I am trapped in what can only be deemed as my third quarter-life crisis. Rather, I am spending my time reading Bernie and Co. (minus Maxwell of course)’s hysterical antics. I have a feeling that after this weekend I may have plenty to post.

I (along with Momo and JdeG) will be spending the weekend in Killington, Vermont with about a dozen or so boys, all of which are strangers. They have invited us to their chalet, which boasts 5 fireplaces and has been deemed a continuous “frat” scene. I am pretty much just excited to get in another weekend of skiing at a spot I have yet to try, but I fear my time mostly will be marked with perfecting my ping pong tosses arc, as I hear there is a built in Beirut (“Beer Pong”) table and my competitive nature when speaking of drinking games is unparalleled. It’s a strange thing when a weekend skiing* in Vermont promises a cheaper time then just staying home (*odds are I'd be skiing one way or another this weekend).

2005-01-11T09:16:00.000-05:00

If anyone that knows me could provide me with answers towards how and when I know Jerry from "The Bachelorette", I would appreciate it (did one of my friends date him?). I know I am in art and this would be the most obvious answer but right about now I'm starting to walk in circles I'm so confused.

*Also, best "Bachelorette" moment in history last night when jar head took a nose dive at the rose ceremony.

Update: Thanks to Miss Doyle (aka Mary-Kate) I have solved the mystery. Jerry used to be the doorman at Harry Winston on Fifth Avenue several years ago, which I would pace back and forth by back when I worked on the best corner in the world 57th & Fifth (did I just admit to being a hooker?) and later on had a small role in Real World: Back to New York. God bless you Erica! I can now rest easy!

2005-01-10T11:40:00.000-05:00

All in all I would say this was a solid weekend. Saturday's daydrinking fete played out nicely as noted by Bernie. With over 50 friends/acquaintances/enemies showing up, I almost made it a whole 24 hours with a drink in my hand, but fell short just shy by 5 hours. Not a bad effort. Awards go to the following:

MVP for Miles Traveled: I originally awarded this to my college chum Erica (aka MK) for traveling in from Hoboken only to leave several hours later for her weekly gig as barkeep back in the Jerse. But after careful consideration (and without knowing most of the facts) I believe Madhu Satayaranya deserves ample snaps. All I know is he arrived in a car and it was loaded with 250 beers.

MVP for Best Ensemble: Well this goes without saying that Bernie takes the cake on this one. Underneath his trench lay a pair of hush puppies, navy blue tights, smiley face joe boxers with a bling encrusted "Bernie" belt, and topped off with a sweat band. Only Bernie would have the foresight to bring a change of clothes, which he appropriately dawned before meeting up with Hushbubbles at Brass Monkey. It truly was night and day when I spotted him later in the evening.

MVP for Biggest Ego Boost: With an unexpected twist later in my evening at Bowery Bar I was greeted very nicely by a stranger asking me if I was Kiki. Thanks go to Jimmy for making me feel famous. My apologies if after 12 hours of drinking I appeared cross eyed and suffering from a stroke on one side of my face.

MVP for Best/Worst Idea: MoMo had the fantastic idea of making Saturday a game of "drink tally" in which you keep record on your body with black marks of drinks ingested. A fabulous idea throughout the night indeed, only to be the worst idea this morning when the words "I suck dick for a living" won't come off of visible areas prior to work.

Paging Dr. Green... Paging Dr. Green!

2005-01-07T15:53:00.000-05:00

Lulu just phoned this one in: Because Lulu's "story" is ahead of production schedule she occasionally is only suited up for 4 day work weeks (boo... hiss), so her and self-chosen unemployed Brendan have spent the day getting drunk at Bowlmor. Just as they were finishing off god knows what pitcher Anthony Edwards just walked up and asked them to "relinquish their lane to him and his children, STAT!" (ok... you caught me, he didn't say STAT!)

2005-01-07T15:21:00.000-05:00

My usual Saturday "day-drinking" festivities now are with purpose. Manhattan Transfer has decided to use the weekly event as a location for the search of a new lackey. If you know me, then you know where these events will take place. MoMo, Lulu and I have set plans to saddle up to the bar no later than 1PM. As my lesbian softball coach use to say "go big or go home!"

2005-01-07T09:40:00.000-05:00

Now I love The OC, unquestionably. With that said, does anyone think that they need to lay off the neverending supply of inside jokes? They topped off for me last night when Seth questioned how much he had actually puked in relation to "the girl from Sixth Sense" (the girl being played by none other then the less-effective-than-wood Mischa Barton)!

Budge & Kiki

2005-01-06T13:10:00.000-05:00

Budge & I on the chairlift in Vail!

2005-01-05T15:32:00.000-05:00

U-p-u-p-p-u-p-p-e-r-A-r-a-r-l-i-n-l-i-n-g-t-o-n...

2005-01-05T15:08:00.000-05:00

As I sat for what seemed like the 10th consecutive hour on hold with baggage claim, I came across this rather funny Encyclopedia definition of Kiki’s wonderful hometown, Upper Arlington (notice Tezzy, they in no uncertain terms reaffirm that you and I are better for growing up in Old Arlington, as opposed to those Northerners - - sorry Davey). I can’t believe this is a published definition of how we spent our youth, but how right it is...

Upper Arlington is bordered on the west by the Scioto River (immediately across which is Hilliard), on the north and east by Columbus, and on the south by Marble Cliff and Grandview Heights. The Olentangy River and the main campus of the Ohio State University are a short distance to the east of Upper Arlington. Downtown Columbus lies to the southeast.

Upper Arlington was founded by the real estate developers Ben and King Thompson, who purchased most of the farmland that was to become Upper Arlington from James Miller in 1913—a park and library in Upper Arlington still bear the Miller name (see no. 4 on the map). They originally wanted to call it the "Country Club District" after the Country Club development in Kansas City, but by 1917, the community became known as "Upper Arlington," in reference to its southern neighbor of Arlington (the name at the time of Marble Cliff).

The development proceeded according to the "Pitkin Plan," which called for curving streets copiously lined with trees rather than a gridded street layout. This development style gave the oldest district in Upper Arlington (at its southern-most end) its distinctively pleasant, park-like feel, though the lack of roadway predictability could lead to some frustrating driving experiences even for those familiar with the neighborhood.

In 1916, the development was interrupted (and largely undone) when the National Guard used the area as a training camp, called Camp Willis, for 8,000 servicemen. Development resumed shortly afterwards, and in 1918, Upper Arlington incorporated as a village, with James Miller, the original landowner, serving as the first mayor. It became a city in 1941, and annexed surrounding land as its population grew.

As was typical in many developing northern communities of the time, the Thompsons included restrictive covenants in their housing deeds that prevented African-Americans from purchasing homes in Upper Arlington (though the deeds were careful to point out that "colored servants" could still be employed). The effects of this practice have carried through to the present demographics of Upper Arlington, still almost exclusively populated by whites.
The post-World War II housing boom led to the development of many new housing tracts in the northern half of Upper Arlington. The newer developments took on a much different character from the older core of the city, being mostly organized along normal street grids, and with the usually ranch-style houses being smaller and of cheaper construction than the historic stone and brick mini-mansions to the south. Many Upper Arlington residents sometimes refer to this area of Upper Arlington as "the golden ghetto", a joking reference to the comparatively lower quality yet still high property values. This part of Upper Arlington today is mostly populated by retirees and newly married couples.

(Tezzy, I’ve included some important figures in UA history in the above collage. I’d like an item by item relay of what you see - - Davey et al, feel free)!

Are You There Bag? It's Me Kiki!

2005-01-04T11:51:00.000-05:00

Photo courtesy CityRag

I was 26th in line with an 86 minute wait. What happened you ask? I waited on hold for 1 hour, 20 minutes and 36 seconds when someone picked up the line, made a sound like a Wookey and hung up on my ass. This time around I'm 19th in line with a 46 minute wait. The odds I experiece the same results... I'd say strong... to quite strong.

2005-01-04T09:33:00.000-05:00

How do things stand in the New Year?

-Wallet still missing
-Bank account closed (i.e. no access to money)
-Due to the above, rent check bounced
-Luggage still not located
-Received Jury Duty summons in the mail yesterday

2005 feels like it's going to be a really splendid year, doesn't it?!

Congratulations Paige & Derek!

2005-01-03T17:01:00.000-05:00

(Alexis) Paige Showe & Derek Rogers are officially engaged, rounding out the total of my friends to be engaged to ummmm.... damn near all. I assume the two love birds will be getting hitched on the island of Honolulu where they and the rest of Paige's family resides. Congrats Pudge!!!
(above photo courtesy of Malama Realty)

In unrelated news: United and US Airways has just informed me that they "have no idea where my luggage is, but believe it is somewhere between Denver and Laguardia." Really Sherlock, you fucking think?!

2005-01-03T13:20:00.000-05:00

Today is a sad day, as one of the greatest and coolest teachers around has passed away. Joe Conley was beloved at Upper Arlington, as well as the Irish community. Mr. Conley was in charge of media studies at UA and our television show "UA Alive" (which I had the pleasure of being the host), and was resident champion of the yearly staff hot dog eating contest. He made in impact on all that knew him and I know inspired many to follow their dreams. Davey is just one that can thank Mr. Conley for helping to push him towards a career at ABC. Mr. Conley will unquestionably be missed by all (Update: I have been told that although diagnosed with cancer last summer, Mr. Conley worked right up until Christmas break. This is true to form of this caring man).

Joseph John Conley, age 59, of Clintonville died Saturday, January 1, 2005 at The Ohio State University Medical Center. He was a graduate of Harvey High School in Painesville, OH (Class of 1964), and The Ohio State University. He had been a teacher at Upper Arlington High School for over 25 years, where he taught Mass Media and Television Production. He was a member and Past-President of the Shamrock Club of Columbus and the Upper Arlington Teachers' Association. Joe was also a member of Charity Newsies and the Harvey High School Red Raiders Hall of Fame. He is survived by his wife, Laura Conley; stepsons, Jake and Brett Vivyan; sister, Marcia Smith; brother, Thomas (Camille) Conley; nieces and nephews, Eileen and Michael (Elaine) Smith, Katie Johnston, Kevin (Holly) Smith, Megan (Andy) Lawson, Tim, Molly, Beth, Joseph (Kathleen) Conley; great nieces and nephew, Chelsea and Michaela Smith, Liam and Margaret Johnston, and Bridget Lawson. Friends may call from 2-4 and 6-8 p.m. Monday, January 3, 2005 at SCHOEDINGER NORTHWEST CHAPEL, 1740 Zollinger Road. A Memorial Mass will be celebrated at 10 a.m. Tuesday, January 4, 2005 at the Shamrock Club, 60 W. Castle Road. In lieu of flowers, those who wish may make contributions to Charity Newsies, 4300 Indianola Ave., Columbus, Ohio 43214 or the Shamrock Club, 60 W. Castle Road, Columbus, Ohio 43207 in his memory.

[Update: In honor of the late, great J.C. Momo has agreed to partake in some Crif Dogs and "Anchorman" with me. It shall be a most fitting tribute indeed!]

I Was Lost, But Now Am Found...

2005-01-03T11:13:00.000-05:00

I would say I'm glad to be home, but that would be a complete lie. Yesterday was a day of trains, planes, and automobiles (literally). I was picked up by a Suburban at 5:30AM (it's the only type of vehicle that can reach without consequence the top of the mountain where my house was). When I had reached the bottom of my mountain, I was transfered to a van, which then drove me two hours to Denver.

I surprisingly had little difficulty boarding a plane without any source of identification. That really puts me at ease. After a nice relaxing cross country flight (in first class I might add), I had a connecting flight in the city of brotherly love which unfortunately was scheduled to leave before my arrival (genius planning on the part of my travel agent). I tried to figure out the difference between the time it would take to board the next flight to Laguardia and the time it would take to reach NYC via train. All this effort was uneccessary as thankfully, the crew was aware of our late arrival and waited for myself and the other gentlemen (who happened to be sitting next to me prior) to arrive before they took off.

This brings us to my arrival in New York. Wouldn't you know it, sans luggage. So now I am without wallet and the rest of my belongings as it were. Awesome. To say God was watching down on me is an understatement. Turns out the man I had been helping shuffle around all day was a priest who was greeted by none other then a nun in full habit who... stood 3 feet tall. Really helped to pick up my spirits. And as if that weren't enough, another little person went riding right in front of me in baggage claim on a tricycle. I'm not sure, but this all could have been a result of withdrawl!

2005-01-02T01:11:00.000-05:00

Last night I posed a survey: is it wrong for a 25 year old woman to be with a 17 year old boy? The responses: "I haven't had the pleasure of that yet" and "I think that's rape". What I got from this was a resounding amount of support, but I suppose it's open to interpretation. Just now Rob titled me "control freak", everyone seems to think it is extremly funny that I took this as a compliment.

"Y'all like pussay riiiought!!??" - Stripper to Bruce the Trillionaire (aka T Mitchell Dean)

Happy New Year!

2005-01-01T13:55:00.000-05:00

After an extremely early rise, followed by a wake and bake that I am pretty confident was 85% PCP (the dust if you will), I have become aware that I am officially without my wallet. Looks like I won't be leaving after all. Glad to see 2005 is starting off on a fitting note.

2004-12-31T19:29:00.000-05:00

Johnny and I. What was Johnny saying at this particular moment? "I want to taste some of your milk!"

2004-12-31T19:28:00.000-05:00

The glorious Vail!

2004-12-31T19:19:00.000-05:00

I can easily say this might be one of the greatest weeks in Kiki's lifetime. I can safely say my enthusiasm level has been at a 10. Kiki on 10! Spending time with some of my best friends, including Rob (above with enormous beard), Budge (above in grey) and Johnny (above as Steve Zissou), has made this a time to remember. The weed hasn't hurt either. We spent Wednesday skiing in town at Breckenridge, which is a great little village. Our house is a spectacular log cabin with a hot tub. Thursday was spent skiing the absolutely fantastic Vail (pictured above)! Vail is by far the best resort I've had the pleasure of skiing. The morning began with 2 feet of fresh powder, which makes for a most enjoyable time. I took it fairly safe at Vail restricting myself to greens and blues. Today me and seven of the guys traveled to Keystone. I would say Keystone was my least favorite of the three, but hands down a good time. The boys required more of me then I would resort to if left to my own. Keystone had really great cruising long trails. We stayed off the black bowls and thankfully today, which was the first day including monster wipe outs, was limited to two. Tonight is New Years Eve and should prove a nice (almost) end to a great trip. At this point I would be interested to see the over/under on my return to New York City, because it's definitely not a sure thing.

2004-12-29T11:40:00.000-05:00

So it's approximately 6 hours until we rise and head out of Fort Collins for Breckenridge. Rob and I are currently trying to pack his bags while listening to Scissor Sisters (wha are they thinking?) and testing out the oneie we've brought for the lifts. I'm not much help, as I can't stop giggling over his full beard (did somebody order a Mexican?) A call into Budge in Smooth Johnny K's car confirms they are in St. Louis currently doing 110. I'm hoping they make it in one piece tomorrow morning, although I fear the preplanned debauchery in Kansas City may permanently damage my precious ski's and equipment I had JK tote up for me.

"I Love Neon Signs!" - Bumper Sticker Seen Between Denver and FC

Top 10 Gifts:

2004-12-26T13:11:00.000-05:00

1. Plane Ticket to Denver
2. Shot Glass Chess Set
3. Sock Monkey
4. Cash
5. Anthropolgie Coat
6. Napoleon Dynamite DVD
7. Felicity: Season 1 DVD
8. The OC: Season 1 DVD
9. Juicy Coutoure Jewlery
10. Bloomingdale's Gift Certificate

Christmas is over. I've had better. Not sure if I've had worse. Too much traveling. Tons of cars flipped over. No cable. No electricity. Lots of weed. Lots of anticipation.

2 MORE DAYS UNTIL VAIL!!!

And Mary Just Needed A Place To Stay...

2004-12-23T14:37:00.000-05:00

I came to find today that my last bedfellow of quite a significant amount of time is now and most likely has been in the midst of what seems to be a relationship with another. This has driven me to sulk and ponder most of the morning, which one would find odd if you knew how little I felt about this person on a day to day basis.

In my life I think I’ve only been truly interested in two boys. And out of those two boys only in love with one of them. I find it difficult to be open enough that I would be interested in someone usually. The other, more recent interest I spoke of, didn’t even come close to matching feeling or experience I had for my first and since only love.

Interestingly enough (or should I say depressingly enough) it sticks out in my memory that neither of the two ever gave me an orgasm or appeared to make an honest effort towards the outcome of one. So why is that in both cases I found myself nauseous at the news they were eventually with someone else. Why is it that girls are conditioned to feel at these moments?

Most that have met me have at one time or another used the phrase “you’re tough” to describe me. I believe they say this most instances in terms of my approachability, although I am sure it can be said it applies as well to my resilience at times. I assume this is some sort of defense mechanism I developed after the Armageddon that I would describe my first love, because surprisingly with him I was able to be open and giving, but never since.

The real question that plagues me at this moment, why would I possibly be interested in someone that wasn’t able or never bothered to supply me with an orgasm (I've tried it, it's not that difficult)? And more importantly, why now some three months after its pitiful end would I even care that some other woman is getting his affection? Is it because I’m afraid he saved up this underrated trade for two years while he drunk dialed and bored me and now she is reaping the benefits of my tireless wait?

Happy Birthday Jesus!

2004-12-23T09:29:00.000-05:00

Hopefully tonight I'll be leaving the city at the late hour to enter the tundra that is caused by "lake effect" over in good ol' buckeye country. 6 to 10 inches later I'm not so sure I'll make it out of here, so if this is the case I expect everyone to pull together to make sure my holiday is as warm and as bright as it should be.

In 5 short days I will be chapping my face on the slopes of Vail and Breckenridge and I can't remember the last time I have been quite so excited for anything (although 80's prom was at fever pitch. I believe it will pale in comparison to my friend Tripple Nipple Backes' upcoming wedding in Amsterdam in 4 months... now that's what I'm talking about)! I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday and remember that the holidays are a time for excess (I for one will be chock full of experimentation over the coming week and a half).

I pity the fool that just says no! (did you hear the kick drum and symbols on that one?)

Update: So currently all flights into C-bus have been canceled thus far for the day... the tears are starting to well...

2004-12-22T09:13:00.000-05:00

Just like the Rachel that came before her, Rach has finally appeared in "The Bible". I'm just like a proud Mother (whose daughter is photographed in her underwears for the very first time)! I think I just shed a tear of joy.

Congrats Rach!

[court. Page Six]

2004-12-21T11:22:00.000-05:00

Sunday the girls and I had a holiday dinner which consisted of about a dozen bottles of wine. Following the get together Rach and I attended the Spin Magazine "Year in Music" party. We arrived pretty much at the worst possible point, when they are no longer offering up free booze. We drank all the same. And kept drinking. This reason, may have something to do with the reason that I was sent home yesterday from work at 3 PM after coworkers kept a tally of the times I ran to the bathroom to revisit the gallons of water I ingested. My total number of times hugging the toilet with results yesterday at work: 10. Followed by a solid 2 times upon my arrival at home.

At the Spin Magazine party we received gift bags in the form of Sailor Jerry originals (Tattooed Clothing and Accessories). My bag (although all might have said this) was rather fitting as it was titled "Stewed, Screwed, and Tattooed". Check out their site, they have some great T-shirts and other odds and ends.

2004-12-17T16:28:00.000-05:00

Due to last weeks extreme and total suckiness, I am expecting the next few hours and days to be ones I will never forget or rather forget fairly quickly. I expect to puke on myself a number of times over the next coming days, which anyone that knows me knows that this means there is fun for all involved. Tonight my sloppiness will begin in the privacy of my home and will eventually lead me to the company of the soap actors. It will take everything I have just to not embarrass those around me by saying something highly inappropriate to a certain actor regarding a possible teabag session I've been thinking about. Saturday are several birthday parties. And lastly on Sunday, Rach and I are going to Spin Magazine's "Year in Music" party. There I will find myself drunk rather quickly in a defense to hide the pain that will result when I realize I am the least hippest human in the room (being that I hate the word "hip").

Now, if you're looking for me over the weekend you'll know where to find me, if all else fails peek inside 7B.

11 Days Until Vail!!!

2004-12-17T14:44:00.000-05:00

911 What's Your Emergency?

2004-12-17T10:41:00.000-05:00

To: Rahat Ahmed - Analyst, Prince Street Capital Management
Address: rahata@prince****.com
Re: Last night

I know we don't know each other, unless you count when you all but slammed the front door on my face before leaving for work yesterday morning (didn't anyone tell you to hold the door for a lady?), so you can imagine my surprise at our encounter last evening.

It was just after 3 AM and I had awoken to the sound of pennies, dimes, and nickels being slid under my door every so often. I was cofused at first as I came out of my slumber and got nervous there might be some sort of rodent that had appeared in thick of the night in my apartment. So thank you for letting me know this wasn't the case when you decided to use your credit cards to try and jimmy my locks. I had to know that mice aren't that resourceful. But yet, even bound with such knowledge, I still sat in my bed trying to make sense of the night around me. My trusty hammer that I like to keep close for such occasions was nowhere to be found. I especially enjoyed running around my apartment naked unable to see trying to locate something with the proper density with which to crack your skull open should it come to blows. I'm already aware that we are not yet acquainted at this point and you must not read my blog or else you would be familiar with my already present and numbing fear of an intruder raping me. Your little game of cat and mouse was really on par. It is rare that one is able to say they shit their (non-existant) pants out of fright in the wee hours of the morning, but I can say just that when you began piledriving into my door. Thanks for that.

In the past I have been apprehensive to dial up the men in blue, but I thought this time might be the end of the line for me and quickly got on the horn to 911. I'm not sure how much any of this has to do with the marathon of CSI's I watch before bed each night, probably none, right? The lady on the other end seemed to know what she was doing, although at first she thought we were in some place called "Monroe", but we got past that. I'm pretty sure she's done this before. We established my address and number and the nature of the problem and it was at that point... you spoke.

Your method of buttering me up was just short of spectacular. Each time you called me "baby" and appealed that I let you in, I was closer and closer to making eye contact out that peephole. The 911 lady wanted in on the action, wanted to know if you were black or hispanic (a little presumptious on her part, but all the same). We encountered some difficulties with reception, for the 911 lady to hear me I had to be far away from the door, but I didn't want to miss a second of your sweet nothings. You pleaded that I open the door and it wasn't until I shouted "go away, dildo" that you began to sob. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. You whined through your tears "it's me baby, let me in, it's Rahat"... he has a name. "I live here, why won't you let me in?" "My hands are all cut up, baby". I could sense you were confused, but yet, it was clear you thought I was the confused one. You wanted me to understand and it was with great foresight that you slid your business card under the door. That'll come in handy this weekend, my love.

Eventually you whimpered away and the police arrived. I noticed as I walked out into the hallway (this time robed) with a pungent smell as if it was a Listerine botteling plant since the early 80's that the 6'3" plain clothes policeman was all business. He in his black trench coat with the sleeves schunched up to the elbows and his little pony tail was just as dashing as Crocket, or was it Tubbs? It was with good sense that he used your keys and let you in and left you a piece of advice in the form of "clean up your apartment." I've never felt more safe.

Our night soon came to an end and I stepped back to my abode and collected the miscellaneous items you had left on my door step like a mini-shrine. Two buttons, one business card, a wadded up dollar bill and just inside about $1.84 in change. Thank you Rahat. Thank you for your contribution to the Kiki Defense Fund. Be expecting my call this weekend.

Which One Do You Want First?

2004-12-16T13:11:00.000-05:00

The bad news: I received a call this morning regarding whether or not I had yet retained lawyers for my upcoming civil suit (i.e. f'ing blindsided).

The good news: Although it's widely known thoughout that I "give good MK", Rachel et al have just assured me that after much comparison my infamous and much coveted Mary-Kate and Ashley impressions have been deemed best in all the land (however, I am made aware through the recent images from the "To Russia with Love" event from last night that the modifications I have in the past used to go from MK to Ash need to be slightly adjusted. Currently making a mental note).

And as you can tell, the good news has all but TOTALLY wiped my focus from my apparent upcoming court date. Wha??

2004-12-15T15:53:00.000-05:00

Will Ferrell (aka the 2nd funniest man alive*) is set to do a new movie titled "Bronze God" according to Variety.com.

Columbia has tapped Alex Gregory and Peter Huyck to script "Bronze God," a comedy vehicle for Will Ferrell... Thesp will play a lifeguard who realizes his dream by securing a wildcard entry into a beach volleyball tournament... "Will's about the funniest guy out there, and he's even funnier shirtless, in a Speedo and with a savage tan," said Gregory.

Can't wait!

*Funniest Man Alive: Michael Ian Black

13 Days Until Vail!!!

I (heart) Jared

2004-12-15T09:33:00.000-05:00

Jared & Demander
Originally uploaded by Kikinyc.

Tonight is Jared's last performance at Piano's. I hope to make it so that my arguments for him being a bad friend always stand up.

Tomorrow night we bid farewell to our residency at pianos. This is our last show before the new year. Hope to see you there.

{pianos - 158 ludlow near stanton}
the so and so's 8:30
demander 9:30
shy child 10:30
ike reilly 11:30

Update: This is why you should never send me anything in written form that I could use against you. I just received this email from Jared, which I will now reread daily as to fool myself into thinking it's real:

i'm in love with you and if you show i may get distracted, or i just may have the best show of my life. ahhhh!!

2004-12-14T11:36:00.000-05:00

On occasion I question the nature of my singledom. And in an instant I hear my father "you got to want it to win it" repititiously playing over and over like he would in my youth to keep the motivation going in his tri-sporter of a daughter. I wonder if this might perhaps be my issue, but then I become painfully aware that I spent last evening with Lulu at bars on Orchard drinking straight vodka and lime juice all the while dominating at naked PhotoHunt ("babes" version of course) and think this might have a little more something to do with it.

14 Days Until Vail!!!

2004-12-13T15:13:00.000-05:00

New York Metro centers a feature around our man, Wes and "Life Aquatic":

And so, it would seem, are lines from Murray that, if not improvised, are brilliantly attuned to his dead-eyed, shrugged-off manner. “This gizmo’s outta juice,” he mutters, tossing a spent weapon aside. He also suggests to Wilson’s Ned that, rather than call him Dad, he refer to him as “Steve-sy.” And defending a young crew member, Murray snaps, “Don’t point that gun at him—he’s an unpaid intern!” Any of this ad-libbed? “No!” says Anderson proudly. “I mean, Bill improvises in the way he’ll say a line, but everything you just cited was in the script.”

This Just In:

2004-12-13T09:56:00.000-05:00

I just received a phone call from my former boss (the one whose husband is the First Assistant Director on such greats as The Royal Tenenbaums and currently Life Aquatic). She has informed me that indeed the final version of Life Aquatic was wonderful (which I would know if my lazy ass wasn't puking up bile yesterday). She attended the screening with both Wilson brothers and can concur that Owen Wilson is one of the greats (although she proclaimed that Luke "although better looking in person is of very little actual talent").

Public Service Announcement

2004-12-13T09:47:00.000-05:00

Leslie has informed me that from now on "LouLou" will be spelled as "Lulu". Please all take note of this.

Also, this weekend was a total bust leaving me in the position to declare several times to Lulu and MoMo that "I was going to get some new friends". One of these two put in a solid effort by popping an adderall on Saturday evening only to realize later she wasn't going to make it out (although I can cofirm she was wide eyed and bushy tailed until 7AM). If it weren't for the good people of Southwest Airlines that finally brought Rachel back to me from Vegas late Saturday night, this world might be short one Kiki this morning.

15 Days Until Vail!!!

2004-12-11T17:29:00.000-05:00

Tonight is the one friends holiday office party I actually enjoy attending, that of LouLou's soap opera. Last time I hung out with these soap actors I had trouble separating fact from fiction (we're talking serious difficulty), and if that weren't bad enough, I was drunk enough that I insisted on addressing them as their characters even when they would correct me. It was truly glorious! Tonight, I presume, will be much of the same, if not worse. As evidence, I provide you with my most recent correspondence:

Kiki: So what do you plan on wearing this evening?
MoMo: I think the green sweater. [omitted name of a soap actor] have never seen me in that!
Kiki: [soap actor]'s also never seen me naked... yet!
MoMo: Tag team?
Kiki: Ooo, that's dirty... you just asked me to be in a tag team, Lesbo... it's certainly possible!
MoMo: Just cause I don't want to be left out of the [soap actor] action... don't worry, I won't fondle you, just him.
Kiki: Good thing he's got a pair of balls, so we don't have to fight...
MoMo: Which one you got?
Kiki: I've always been ambidextrous, I can work the lefty if you prefer...
MoMo: Good, I'm much better with my right :-)
Kiki: Consider this verbal contract in place.

2004-12-10T16:03:00.000-05:00

I really feel like this Craigs List "Missed Connection" has the workings of an Oscar contender, ne c'est pas?

You.....
-Sat next to me on the Amtrak train couple days after T-Day in 2003
-Were visiting your mother and stepfather at their remote place in the country
-work as a personal assistant to a stockbroker at that time....but wanted to pursue other things like art...you said you used to paint but stopped
-Complained about your boss...how you had to run his errands for him
-Were an amazing conversationalist. Were beautiful..very striking...
-While we were talking you had a seizure
-You fell to the floor
-I held you and comforted you while the train stopped and a doctor on the train assisted
-You cried and were scared
-paramedics came and took you away
-You discharged yourself the next day....just upp'd and left the hospital...that's what they said when I called.....
-I offered to share a turkey sandwich with you...you declined
-Think about you constantly and wonder how you are
-Want to talk to you.....want to share how that event changed my life.
This is a true MC........where oh were are you? If anyone knows...tell me

I laughed, I cried...!

Tis Friday!!!

2004-12-10T14:29:00.000-05:00

You know it's Friday when a conversation like this passes my way:

Kiki: What are the plans for this evening? I heard you sold your computer so you have enough money to drink tonight!
MoMo: Not sure about the computer yet. I must come up with another plan.
Kiki: Let's think of a plan then... Perhaps you can borrow from me?
MoMo: I hate borrowing. But maybe we could think of something else.
Kiki: Don't we all, but it's not like you're borrowing a down payment on a house here... although at the amount we drink, ain't that much of a difference. You don't need both of your kidneys, you could sell one of those puppies.
MoMo: Now that's a thought. I might lose weight by selling a kidney too... how much them bad boys weigh?
Kiki: Not sure what they fetch, but come to think of it you might need both your kidneys since I'm pretty sure your liver's hanging on by a thread.

2004-12-10T10:25:00.000-05:00

Yes folks, this is what we call a "confirmation":

LINDSAY Lohan did not lose her purse the other day, it was only a "card case," according to her rep. "Listen," the rep said, "It carried her license and two credit cards, that was it." By now, everyone and their brother has seen e-mails falsely claiming Lohan's "purse" also contained cocaine, a charge the rep laughed off. "At this time Lindsay is not planning on suing [the woman who found the card holder - NOT KIKI]. She's annoyed and p- - -ed off because it is not true, but what is she going to do — rant and rave? That's not her style."

I would like to mention that no where in the email did it mention a "purse"...

[court. Page Six]

18 days until Vail!!!

2004-12-10T09:36:00.000-05:00

After last night there are two things I know for certain:
1. I did not see that coming on The OC!
2. John Mayer has one of the sexiest personalities!

Update: My goals are nothing if not lofty:
JdeG: Did you watch the John Mayer thing?
Kiki: I rushed home and watched my DVR'd "The OC" and John Mayer... it's affirmative, I still love him. I really need to find him and marry him, or at least get knocked up with his illegitimate spawn.

2004-12-09T11:34:00.000-05:00

[PHOTO DELETED TO INSURE I'M STILL EMPLOYED]

I wasn't especially looking forward to my office party last night... but upon spying this ensemble worn by one of my coworkers, it was clear to me just how worth it it was!

*note: We do not work for a bar, brothel, strip joint, clown in oversized shoes, or a pimp.

2004-12-09T10:57:00.000-05:00

My horoscope for the day:

Overview: Pretend you're a super spy on assignment in a foreign country, and that you've just made eye contact with The Subject. That's how you'll feel when you run into someone you know you were meant to meet.

What it should have said:

Beware of this blog shit because you're about to be bit in the ass!

(All I will say is, I will from now on be much more frugal in my sharing of information, as I was unaware that actual people that knew me - - besides LouLou and crew - - were actually messing with and reading these things. Man alive, am I embarrassed!!)

Mischa & the Munch (ewwww!)

2004-12-09T10:23:00.000-05:00

Maybe the reason The O.C.'s Marissa (Mischa Barton) has had such a hard time finding Mr. Right is that she's been looking for a Mister. In a story arc that begins in January, the teen princess will fall for a fellow female. So says series creator Josh Schwartz in an interview with Out.com, though he declines to name the object of Marissa's affection. ''Marissa is at a point in her life where she's trying to find herself and her true identity,'' explains Schwartz, who says the lesbian subplot idea was his. ''There's another character who she really connects with. It's a girl, which is not something Marissa may have anticipated. But she's willing and game to explore and experiment with that.''

Schwartz denies that the plot twist is an effort to boost the show's sagging ratings. ''We cooked it up well before the show ever premiered this year,'' he says. ''We're constantly looking at evolving and growing these characters. And challenging them. They're at that age where they're open to it.'' He adds, ''It was either that or Oliver's return.'' (No, not that psycho!)

Barton fans will recall that she acted in a similar subplot a few years ago on Once and Again, where she played the first same-sex love interest for high schooler Jessie (Evan Rachel Wood). ''Marissa loves whatever you throw at her. She's game,'' Schwartz says, calling the actress by her character's name. ''If she's OD-ing in Tijuana, she's up for it. Exploring new parts of her sexuality — she's up for it.'' We just hope her new partner is also up for it — and that she watches out for flying lawn furniture.

-by Gary Susman

19 Days Until Vail!

CONGRATULATIONS!

2004-12-08T13:27:00.000-05:00

LouLou has just been promoted to Assistant Producer at my favorite soap opera (or my "story" as I like to call it)! Couldn't be more deserved!!! You're my girl, Lou!

We will celebrate in style by getting sauced tomorrow before Brendan's "work" party. This makes me realize... I was basically shit-canned Friday, Saturday (which lasted until Sunday night), Monday LouLou and I decided to bathe in vodka, tonight free booze at my work party, followed by Jared playing at Piano's, tomorrow Brendan's, and thus the weekend begins... I should ask for a relaxing weekend at a spa (i.e. Betty Ford's) for Christmas.

2004-12-08T10:04:00.000-05:00

I'm just going to go ahead and say it... LAST NIGHT WAS THE BEST* NIGHT OF TELEVISION EVER! ... This almost makes up for the fact that I have to attend my work "holiday" party tonight, but then again - - free booze!

*High School Reunion followed by the unsurpassed Laguna Beach finale & announcing Season II!

Speaking of free booze and holiday work parties, my friend Brendan is a self-chosen unemployed lad. Rather then miss out on the tride and true work holiday party, Brendan has decided to throw his own in the spirit of "when people get drunk in front of their bosses, careers are ruined, and lives change forever":

Where: McFadden's - 42nd and 2nd
When: Thursday, Dec. 9 - 9:00 PM to close
Specials: 9-11PM - $20 all you can drink TOP SHELF (you don't have to do this special)
Who: Me working to make sure you get drunk and have a very merry holiday season

The Countdown Begins: 20 DAYS UNTIL VAIL!

I'm starting to think Lindsay and I could be BFF!

2004-12-08T09:18:00.000-05:00

I received the following email:

Hey Girls,
I just wanted to update you about our weekend in NYC. Of course it was Liz's birthday so it was bound to be a crazy time...you know it's never a dull moment when two or more of us P.C. girls get together! Well, for those of you who didn't recieve a late night phone call Saturday night from Liz, I'll fill you in on what happened...

When we got off the subway in Manhattan, me Liz and Charley were attempting to catch a cab when I saw something laying on the street... it looked like a wallet so I kicked it over to Charley and said "whats this?" Charley picked it up and we jumped into the cab. Inside the cab Charley opened the wallet and found a liscence, an American Express Black card, a $20 bill rolled tight, and a folded up $1 bill. He yells: "Oh my God, guess whos wallet this is!" I said: "Whos? I found it, hand it over!" To my surprise it was Lindsay Lohan's California liscence and credit card! I took out the dollar bill and unfolded it to find a rather large bag of what looked to be cocaine! I couldnt believe my eyes! We had a pop star's wallet with illegal drugs and she's only 18!

The first thing that came to mind was to blackmail for a large amount of cash or a casting in her next movie... Unfortunately I've learned that publicity might not be so appealing when you have tons of strange people calling your cell phone to buy your story. Since I had no idea if I should keep the wallet or send it back, I called US Weekly for advice. US Weekly called Lindsays publicist and the next thing I knew I was getting calls from her publicist threatening to sue me. She wanted my home address so she can send a driver out to pick it up. I refused to give her any personal information. The National Inquirer called me about 8X to buy my story for $2500 (which keeps going up everytime I talk to them), they want to take pictures of the evidence, give me a polygraph, and interview me tomorrow. I dont think its the morraly correct thing to do and Im not sure its the safest either. the New York Post has attempted to contact me (check for an article in tomorrow's paper, most likely it will not be a completely accurate story), the NYPD (who threatened to arrest me if i dont hand over the goods since they claim it is government property), and some strange people who wouldn't even tell me who they were (but thought I was dumb enough to give them my address). I don't know who to believe and what to do with the wallet. I told Lindsay's publicist that I would like to return it to her in person so that I knew it was going to her. She said she would ask her. Supposedly Lindsay was freaked out by the whole thing and was crying hysterically and denied ever doing any drugs. The publicist told me she only drinks a lot and likes to party, and smokes cigarettes, but what 18 year old doesn't...what a publicist she is! She also claimed to have called Lindsay's parents who called their lawyer and is ready to sue me if I make any wrong moves.

At this point Im kind of afraid to answer my phone anymore b/c Im scared someone might get my address and come to my house. I think what I will do is just mail it to her house in Beverly Hills tomorrow and hope it gets to her. Anyway, I scanned the liscence and the credit card for you guys to see just for kicks. I blacked out her street address b/c I don't know what kind of trouble I can get into and I have to be careful! The black card is cancelled, but it would have been nice to have a night of unlimited spending on Lindsay Lohan for Liz's 24th birthday!

Immediately after making this statement, Kiki realized that it was true

2004-12-07T13:38:00.000-05:00

Budge's favorite man about town in the too short corduroy suit has been interviewed by Gothamist for his upcoming film, The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou.

*I have it on good authority (my old boss is married to the First Assistant Director) that Life Aquatic is less then satisfactory (although she says this opinion was based when it was in rough cut in Cinecitta). I however, will refuse to believe this and will assume it is of pure magic just as are all his other masterpieces.

Tennis Announcer 1: That's 72 unforced errors for Richie Tenenbaum. He's playing the worst tennis of his life. What's he feeling right now?
Tennis Announcer 2: I don't know, Jim. There's obviously something wrong with him. He's taken off his shoes and one of his socks and... actually, I think he's crying.

2004-12-07T12:21:00.000-05:00

One of the best shows on television to date begins another season (it's 3rd) tonight, the WB's "High School Reunion". I get sucked in every season, and I expect this one to be no different, if not even worse! Any show that labels people "The Predator", "The Meathead", and "The Fat Chick" in hopes that they are able to come together ten years later and hash out their differences is aces in my book. If you happen to pass by an apartment in Murray Hill that is billowing with clouds of fragrant smoke and thundering with rapturous laughter, ring the bell... I'm in there!

Back stabbing! Boyfriend swapping! Brawls! The WB brings it on with the return of High School Reunion. Watch as 14 classmates from Cardinal Gibbons High, an ultra ritzy, private, Catholic school in Fort Lauderdale - all of whom are no strangers to teenage snobbery and sex scandals - are reunited after 10 years on the island of Maui. The ante is upped daily as vengeful new arrivals from rival cliques, classes and a nearby public school, do everything they can to crash the party and seek redemption.

[Various Updates via Reality Blurred]
[Obsessive Amount of Various Articles via Sir Links a Lot]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TEZZY!

2004-12-06T17:33:00.000-05:00

Happy 26th Birthday Ambrosia!

If I hadn't been so busy trying to post pictures of unwitting friends in their panties I would have gotten this out sooner! I love you and miss you and hope that perv of a boyfriend shows you a great time on your special day!

2004-12-06T10:55:00.000-05:00

[Photo removed due to possible future fame and fortune]

Today Rachel is doing her first photo shoot for Stuff Magazine in La Perla lingerie to promote her upcoming show on Mtv, PoweR Girls.

I would like to point out it is I that have the first pictures of her in her underwears. I wouldn't suggest passing out in the hallway before you reach the door again, Rach! Hope it goes fantastically!

Word of the Day

2004-12-06T10:00:00.000-05:00

Brought to you by Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary, Eleventh Edition:

absinthe \AB-sinth\ noun 1 : wormwood; especially : a common European wormwood (Artemisia absinthium)
*2 : a green liqueur which is flavored with wormwood, anise, and other aromatic herbs and commercial production of which is banned in many countries for health concerns

Example sentence:"I draw the line at absinthe, a bottle of which is still sitting in my liquor cabinet five years after it was received, gleaming ominously." (Alexandra Jacobs, The New York Times, November 7, 2004)

Did you know?In 1797, the Swiss Henri-Louis Pernod was the first to commercially produce an alcoholic drink from the bitter herb Artemisia absinthium, known commonly as wormwood. By the mid-to-late 1800s this bright green distillation, by then known in both French and English as "absinthe," had become wildly popular, especially among artists and writers, but it also had a tendency to make people a little wild. In fact, it was linked to several nasty disorders, including convulsions and foaming at the mouth. The culprit? A toxin in wormwood — perhaps the very chemical that gives the plant its tapeworm-exterminating properties (and thus its name). Because of these horrific side effects, true absinthe was banned in many countries (including the U.S.) in the early 1900s, but that didn't remove the taste for the drink.
*Indicates the sense illustrated in the example sentence.

2004-12-03T12:02:00.000-05:00

Photo by Patrick McMullen

(Above) Rachel, Lizzie, and the rest of the PoweR Girl team at Marquee last night.

Although Rachel isn't currently drinking, gearing up for her photo shoot with Stuff magazine and La Perla lingerie on Monday, the rest of us will be in full form this weekend. Dev is coming in to visit from D.C. for the weekend and I know it promises to be a good time. Dev and I met last February in D.C. when the girls and I went to play with the most popular boy in the sandbox, Chris Spahr! Saturday promises to be good times as well with Roni's birthday at Pressure (?), along with a visiting Alex.

2004-12-03T09:45:00.000-05:00

Manhattan Transfer's Commandments
(I hope he's aware this eliminates 100% of all women... If I know you and you don't think you fit, ask me, I'll tell you which numberS got you in a figure four!)

You Can't Always Get What You Want

2004-12-02T13:37:00.000-05:00

I have a sickness. It's called "wanting what you can't have" and I've got the class 3 variety of this debilitating disease. I've had it since I was a child and I could document point by point all the specifics that stick out as being catalysts to making my ills full blown.

It probably started with having an older brother and having to wear my dresses paired with his fucking tube socks (or "quitters" as we call them), maybe it has more to do with getting the red headed Cabbage Patch kid, when I wanted the blonde one to match myself, or just maybe it has something to do with growing up in an extremely affluent white neighborhood with only one parent to my name (but that is more in reference to psychobabble explanations then I plan to go here).

It could be seen as early as in elementary school when everyone was decked out in Michael's Kid Stuff clothing and had a Laura Ashley for every day of the week. My mom wasn't a shopper, so I only had about 3 jumpers or dresses to my name. My bows were never the biggest (Amber and Robin, you take that prize we well know) and I was one of the last to have the ever popular Ching Chang (I would so bring that game back... picture it drunk at a bar). There were a few things I beat people to; Converses in 3rd grade (excellent turquoise halfsies), the double sided phone in 4th grade, my period in 6th grade (that one they could've had), a Wrangler before I even turned 16, and the Alma bag from Louis Vuitton as an adult... so needless to say my disease was not born out of neglect here. I at some point learned the tricks of the trade in working over my Mom and can usually count on this to suffice in a pinch.

As an adult though I find this sickness transpiring to include mainly clothes, jobs, drugs, and boys. My idea of fashion puts me in much nicer threads on a day to day basis then I currently sport (paired with a Balenciago bag on the crook of my elbow would be nice). I've been asked to interview for many a dynamite position, such as Ingrid Sischy's Assistant at Interview or jobs that put me between here and Miami on a regular basis with celebrities. Usually left to my own devices of fucking it up with a number of "um's" and "so there's that's", leading me to constantly wish I had those jobs instead of my current standing obligation. Whenever partying you can be sure that I will want whatever stimulant or depressant I don't have (although I believe this to be common on the circuit).

And quite possibly the biggest threat to my recovery any time soon would be my want-what-I-can't-have-itis regarding the male persuasion. I've had this addiction for years. Probably thanks in part to Merrell and his bright yellow sweatpants who in 2nd grade would always answer my quest of "going together" with a "yes, no, maybe so". That kid knew how to work me over and probably planted the friggin' seed. In high school my adoration for my best friend, Rob was seizure inducing at times. Only to be dulled when he finally wanted to try things out. Over the years I've found myself having the longest "relationships" (I use that term very loosely) with those who aren't exactly as kind as they could be to Kiki. Hell, all of college I played the waiting game with my boyfriend, Phil, wanting to stick around long enough for the illusive change that of course never comes. Once again, wanting what I can't have. I like to tell myself this is due to a messiah complex of sorts, which makes its entrance every now and then. If they have a girlfriend, then consider me golden. Somehow I do my best work with this sort of gent. Never intentional, but always successful. But will I "have" them, of course not... they're already "had", so of course I want it.

I won't likely fall into that trap again. Or will I? I had finally decided that I maybe, just maybe, could be interested in a good friend of mine who has always struck me as "just so damn nice", which in the past appears to have been a deal breaker. Many would say this is a sign of maturity and chalk it up to growing up, but we know this to be false... I'm currently thinking of drinking games involving a Ching Chang, how grown up could I possibly be? So what happens as I go back and forth with trying to figure out exactly what my feelings may or may not be? Some damn girl asks him out to dinner and it appears to be taking.

I HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE ATTRACTED TO ANYONE!!!

2004-12-01T15:42:00.000-05:00

My very first introduction with cradle robbing (and believe me there's been a few) was back in high school with my friend Adam's younger brother, Jared (mind you we were only a year apart). He used to come over to my house and sing songs on his guitar to me about not wearing shoes and others devoted to high school math teachers. We once took a trip to Indiana University to visit Adam when he had perfectionisticly begun school a summer early. It was on that trip that Jared and I fell out (out of what I'm not sure), as he spent most of the time drunk and passed out in the boys community shower. He would claim otherwise later saying I dumped him due to his not being a lacrosse player.

Go see Jared (who I might add is one of the best looking people on the planet) guest appear with the Demanders tonight at Piano's at 8PM:

(de·mand'er) n.
1. "Super-sexy female duo with the occasional "guest" male guitarist. The core: Karen on vocals/bass with Sivan on drums/contagious energy." earlash.com
2. "Ferocious pre-punk rock with a killer rhythm section." sugarzine.com
3. "As for Demander, wow, I hadn't seen such a kick-ass band in a while! They're a drums/bass girl duo who really rocked that stage." melodynelson.com
Define them for yourself, all this month, at Pianos. Every Wednesday, with special guests.(Jared can also be seen on the 8th and 15th of this month)

PS. Can I just quietly mention how much I love Kelly Clarkson's new song "Since You've Been Gone"!!